Thursday, October 17, 2013

So now I'm a grown-up

As the big 3-0 comes closer and closer (don't worry, not for a few more years, but still closer than the great 2-0), I've been coming to terms with the fact that I really am a grown-up. I used to wonder how it was that people crossed over from optimist, fun-filled youth to negative, serious adulthood. I remember, even as a kid, wondering why adults didn't seem to remember being a kid themselves.
I used to think that being an adult was when you: a) paid taxes and bills, b) got married, c) bought a house and d) had a kid of your own. Well, now that I'm 4 for 4, I have no more excuses to hold onto. I just saw that movie with Paul Rudd called 'This is 40' and while I'm nowhere near 40, there were so many things I could relate to in the film. Go watch it (it might be free on HBO right now).
I was at the mall the other day and the lady at the Clinique counter suggested I try some eye cream. Am I really gonna have wrinkles soon if I don't use any? I haven't found a gray hair yet, but then maybe I've been purposely not looking? Who has time to look for grays when I barely have time to comb my hair, let alone take a shower without someone crying or knocking on the bathroom door or sticking their head in when I think I've got a few minutes to shave my legs. Yes, this is a Married Maidel's life. Who woulda thought just a few years back? Maybe the reason why adults are so grumpy and negative is because we're so busy taking care of the very people we've created.
I also think I've discovered why women don't age as well as men - we're the ones getting up at night. That definitely can't be good for our skin.

Should Frum Single Girls Freeze their Eggs?

First off  - huuge Mazel Tov to Halle Berry! No, she's not a yid, but she's gorgeous and just gave birth to her second child, a boy, at the ripe old age of 47. Every news outlet has her saying that this is a "big surprise". I don't know if you could call it that. A surprise pregnancy is when a 16 year old girl doesn't know her boyfriend's condom has a hole in it. A surprise pregnancy is when a woman manages to get preggers even though she's got an IUD, is on the pill and doesn't let her husband touch her. Getting pregnant at 47 is not a surprise - it's a lot of work and money and crazy. But the fact that Halle and a bunch of other female celebs who are past their prime have been getting pregnant has apparently duped a whole generation of American women into thinking that pushing off motherhood is a real option.
Well some of us are not that dumb. The biological clock is a real thing and it slows down after 40.
Apparently, there is a new trend on the UWS and who-knows-where-else for Frum 'Older' Singles to freeze their eggs. Some women who have not yet 'met their beshert' realize that with every birthday their chances at starting a family gets slimmer. 'Older' singles could feel they must come to terms with the fact that they might never get married. Or when they finally do get married, they could encounter a host of health risks and difficulties associated with pregnancy after a certain age. Egg freezing when you still have some good ones could be a viable option for these women. I'm sure it's not an easy decision to make. Financially or emotionally. It means coming to terms with your age and your status as a non-married.
I can't say that I relate (BH), but I really sympathize with these women for making this courageous decision.
But just wondering - what happens when these women come to a point in their life - say at age 42 - when they realize that marriage just may not be in the cards? With modern technology, a woman no longer needs to be married or have a man in her life to get pregnant. Would it be halachically permissible for a frum woman to have a child out of wedlock? Would it be better if she had the sperm 'donated' by a friend vs an anonymous registry? I'm sure someone out there on the webiverse has written about this sensitive topic. I'm just way too tired from my own babes to look it up ;)
(Seriously - with these dark circles under my eyes that even Clinique can't conceal, I'm pretty sure a woman's desire to have a child was also part of Chava's curse)

Guess who's baack (back again)

I know you've missed me. I've definitely missed you too. And this Maidel is back with more material than ever.

It's been quite a minute since I've written on here, let alone written anything. And my fingers are itching to let you in on my vida loca and my crazy thoughts.

Sorry for ignoring ya'll for so long, but as most married's know, it's kinda hard to jump out of the honeymoon bubble that is the first few years of wedded bliss.

Now I've come back to earth  - still in bliss - but a baby has sure popped that bubble.

Oh - did I mention I had a couple of those?

Now you know what keeps me up at night :)

Monday, March 12, 2012

Shopping on a Married Maidel's budget


So like many Americans out there, I find myself out of work...
And with nothing to do during the 9-5, it means I can devote more time to the thing I love most - shopping.
Shopping when you're married is like Columbus discovering America... There are soo many more things to buy! Groceries, furniture, home decor, men's clothing. It's like I've discovered entire departments of Bloomingdale's that I've never realized existed before.
But obviously, being married + shopping = budget. I've never used the B word before. I never had to when my parents were the ones paying off my credit cards. I used to know my shopping day was over when a store clerk told me my credit card wouldn't go through. It meant I had reached my daily spending limit. I always got a little nervous when I saw my dad going through the bill the next month - sometimes he would ask me if I knew what a certain payment was for... and sometimes it was kinda embarrassing telling him I'd bought yet another pair of Uggs.
Now that I'm married, I'm the one who goes through all the credit card statements. I gotta say, when I first started paying bills, I used to get a little nervous opening the envelopes. There seemed to be an endless supply of them. And bills for things I don't even shop for! I still can't believe that we have to pay for things like water and electricity.... it's not like we're living in Africa and there's a shortage right? Who knew that watching True Blood and Mad Men (the new season is coming soon!) would increase our cable bill?
I used to think that being grown up meant being married and paying taxes (not that I didn't pay them before, but my dad + accountant always did it for me)... guess it means I no longer get to sit at the kid's table....

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

married without children (for now)

I used to think it was 'marrieds vs. singles' - that the only thing dividing me and some of my friends was a ring on my finger and a ketubah on my wall. But now that I've crossed the line into married-dom, I realize that not all marrieds are alike. When you're a newlywed couple living in the 'burbs', you're pretty much in the minority - most people out here tend to have at least two kids, if not 3.2. We didn't have to move to the 'burbs' so soon in our marriage, but I guess we thought renting any half-decent apartment would be a serious waste of cash. And so we're here in 'burb'-ville, where most people our age have strollers in front of their homes and swing-sets in the back.
I like kids. I want to have a half-dozen some day. But why-oh-why do the people out here have to keep talking about them?
It seems like the only conversations I hear nowadays are about this school or that school, the pros of this school or that school, daycare versus home-care.... I'm hearing the same conversations I used to hear my mother have with her friends....
Seriously - it's like these people, my own age, have grown up ten years just by producing those little monsters. Is that what happens when you become a mommy? Do you undergo some kind of personality metamorphosis when you have a baby? I used to think growing up meant getting married and having a mortgage. Now I think it means bringing someone younger than you into this world...

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

asian shidduch dating

To my single Jewish girls out there...

DO NOT DESPAIR....

I know dating in our community sucks....

But it could be worse...

I had a convo with a friend today - she's originally from Taiwan and her parents still live there.

Apparently in the Asian community, it's rude to break up with a guy. Yes, rude.

And you absolutely MUST date your parents' friends' sons. Otherwise it's considered extremely rude to their family and yours. And by 'date', I don't just mean that you have to go on one date with a guy. You have to seriously date him for a few months. That is until you can think of a non-rude reason to break up with him... ie. you cannot say that there is anything wrong with the guy - because that's like telling his family that there is something wrong with them. And of course that would be extremely rude.

So next time you go on a really bad first date....

Just be happy that it can be your last!!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

kallah teachers

Finding the right Kallah teacher is TRICKY.

Whatever you future brides out there choose to do - please, please, please do not go to a Kallah teacher who charges money to tell you what you can honestly learn on your own in 15 minutes from a good book or internet site.

There are so-called Kallah teachers who charge anywhere from $150-1000 for a few sessions. It's seriously ridiculous. Quite possibly the biggest Jewish scam still out there... (ok, I may be exaggerating only a little, but you get the gist). Please save the money -  you'll have more to spend on things that are actually important - like your wedding gown.

It's also really important to find someone who is on your 'madreiga', or at least something close to it. There's no point going to a Rebbetzin who will tell you to only buy black sheets if you know in your heart that there's no way you're ready to part with the Calvin Klein set you just bought on sale at Bloomingdale's. If you want to have a little freedom in the bedroom (because choosing the right bedding is a very personal decision), don't go to a Kallah teacher who will make you feel guilty if you don't do things exactly the way she says.

to sheitel or not to sheitel.....

Yup, even with this rock on my finger, that's still a question.
In my engaged days I spent a few grand on a gorgeous fall...
No, not a full sheitel - I wanted to avoid the 'wiggy' look and the idea of endless accessory opportunities that come with wearing a fall really appealed to me (sequined headbands, sequined berets, cocktail hats, designer scarves, etc, etc... )
But then it occurred to me that I would not be able to wear the one accessory I absolutely adore ...
You simply cannot fit a hat on a fall.
I don't mean those stretchy wool hats.
I mean those gorgeous dressy hats - fedoras and cloches and the ones with extra-wide brims - worn by Jewish mothers on Shabbos morning in Shul and by British royalty on Saturday at a Wedding. For years I would try on my mother's collection of designer headpieces, yearning for the day I would be able to have my own closet full of hatboxes.
And so, while I did buy that gorgeous fall, I confess that she spends most of her time in her faux-Louis Vuitton case, pretty much alone in her own room. I do take her out on some important occasions, weddings and parties - but for most Shabbosim I prefer to look to my own mini-collection of hats (altho my hubby doesn't think it's so mini....).
Baruch Hashem I go to a shul where no one really gives a F*** what anyone else is wearing on their head. And if I iron my hair properly, even my mother can't tell that it's not a Shevy underneath my hat.
Because really - does it even matter how or if I cover my hair??

(BTW, I'm still thinking I might want to invest in a full Sheitel, if only so I can get that cute 'bangs' look.... )

Monday, January 17, 2011

maidel got married...

hey y'all :)

not sure if any of you still actually check this old thing...

i know it's been a real long while....

but i've been busy becoming a mrs.!

sooo happy :)

(and yes, the mr. (or should i say dr.) has seen mm....)

should the material maidel start writing about life as a married maidel?

Monday, May 24, 2010

"it depends on who i marry"

How many times have you heard that statement uttered by a Single?

Usually in answer to questions such as "Will you cover your hair?", "Would you make Aliyah?", "Would you want to take time off to learn?".

I'll admit that I'm sometimes guilty of using the same wishy-washy statement - maybe because i'll admit that i can be a little wishy-washy on where I stand on certain issues. Maybe I, like many other unmarried 20-something year olds, have yet to truly 'figure myself out' - whatever that means.

Is that part of being young or part of being single?

Why is it that some of us think that once we find our Bashert we will also find ourselves?

I've noticed that as I get older, it's a little bit easier to answer some of those 'tough' questions (without having to resort to the 'it depends on who I marry' answer).

But is it really because I'm more 'mature' now than I was a few years ago - or because I've dated more?

Friday, May 21, 2010

getting my pre-cheesecake bod back

I know you've missed me.

Three weeks is an eternity in bloggerdom, and I've been bad for staying away so long.
My life's been a little busy lately, but I'm trying to get back into it.
Catching up on all the Grey's, Vampire Diaries and Gossip Girl episodes I missed. (don't tell me who dies)
Desperately making plans to head to the gym tomorrow - I indulged in just a little too much chocolate cheesecake this Shavuos... (for a girl who avoids pasta like the plague, this holiday has done little good for my hips)

Got to meet the very lovely Chaviva and her cute hubby-to-be... kind of funny to say hello to someone you've never actually met in person. But what a sweet couple they make - hope they have a beautiful wedding (has it happened yet? where's my invite?) and long and happy life together :)

Oh - and did you know that...
MM just celebrated its second birthday! (can you believe that May 14, 2008 was two whole years ago)

Sunday, May 2, 2010

guess those jewish boys are just as slutty...

Some friends of mine were on a cruise recently...
Apparently it was mostly the typical scene...
Seniors spending their last days enjoying a vacation...
Young couples on their honeymoon...
Middle-aged couples taking a break from the 9-5....
And a group of frum single guys from Monsey!

I kid you not.

Apparently they tried to be all inconspicuous...
By taking off their yarmulkas...
Eating not-so-kosher hot dogs...
Smoking on Friday night...
Taking pictures with shiksas on their laps...

But when you've got lange payos...
There's no hiding that you're just a 'frum' boy from Monsey....