to aliyah or not to aliyah?

my devoted reader Dave asked if I would consider making aliyah. I could have just followed up with a comment, but then I remembered I have a blog!

So, as you probably have noticed, I like a lot of things about Israel. I love Israeli music, (it could be a little better, I will admit, but we gotta support the Holy Land yids!), I love Israeli food (mmmmm Shaaaaaawaaaaarmaaaaaa), I love Israeli boys (whaaaat, theyre hot! as long as they dont open their mouths), I even love Israeli movies (be sure not to make my mistake - dont invite parents to watch with you, ie you will cringe). I'm even planning a trip to the Eretz this summer! (meet me in Jerusalem?)

The only sucky thing about Israel is having to leave. I cry every time, and being in the Departures at Ben Gurion brings up all the usual questions - why do I live in Galut? Why dont I live in Israel? Am I meant to be in Israel? Aren't we all meant to be in Israel? Didn't the Holocaust prove that we are only truly safe in our own land? Now that we have a land, why arent we there?!

These questions always stay with me at least a week or so after I've returned home (home on the Western hemisphere that is - isnt Israel our real home? seeee, Im starting already).

Then Life happens, and I kinda put all these questions in a box that I mark "Israel" and put in storage to be taken out another time. Sometimes someone will bring up the fact that Mr. X or Ms. Y is making aliyah, and the box comes out of storage. But having been out of Israel for a while, the Miss America side of me takes over...

Could I really take living in Israel? Could I really become Israeli? If I have kids - they're going to be Israeli! Does that mean they would be wild? Won't I miss all the great things that America has to offer? Like Philly cream cheese, real ketchup, mayonnaise, tuna sandwiches? And then there's the whole wardrobe issue. I could NEVER dress Israeli. Ok, that's it, I'm staying put.

i can't help but love this song

You have to have been living in a cardboard box or just be super frum not to have heard Katy Perry's new single, I Kissed a Girl. (if one of the above apply to you, click here, but WARNING, sooo not Kol Isha Friendly: http://www.myspace.com/katyperry )

Is it wrong that it's become my favorite song this summer? It's so summery and bouncy and fun! The lyrics are soo wrong, but so fun at the same time! And no, I have not kissed a girl.....

Worth a listen - Tomer Yosef

Wish I had found out about these guys a long time ago!

Tomer Yosef is rap/rock/reggae/whoever heard of that combo??? It sounds strange, but somehow it works really well. Can you tell I have eclectic taste? But seriously, they are worth a listen!

Here's their Myspace link: www.myspace.com/tomeryf
My FAVE song is "LITTLE MAN"


Their latest song "עברתי רק כדי לראות" is fresh off the Israel Charts and hasn't made it to their MySpace yet, so click here to listen to it: http://youtube.com/watch?v=2jUSlOzjUtY

war and peace

A Canadian friend of mine sent me this article that you should definitely read: http://www.nationalpost.com/news/story.html?id=605480

I've read other articles about the US Marine Robert Crutchfield who was killed on the streets of Cleveland while on leave from Iraq, but the article above is written so much more eloquently.

It makes you think about how there are some things you cannot escape.

Every time I board a plane for Israel I can't help but feel some knots in my stomach. As comfortable as I've become riding buses in Jerusalem, I doubt I will ever cease my habit of profiling each passenger getting on. My fears are not just reserved for the Holy Land. Even in my home town, I can't help but make sure my car doors are locked when I'm stopped at a red light in certain neighbourhoods.

But the truth is, my fears are just fears. Anything can happen, whenever, wherever, to whomever. Who would have thought the Marine would be more safe in Iraq than at home?

I mentioned the article at work, and one of my co-workers said that she believes in destiny, that everything is predestined and that you can't change your future. I told her I did believe in destiny to an extent, but that I believed it was possible to change your fate. I wish I had known how to better explain the concepts of Mitzvot and Tshuva to her. These concepts seem so foreign in secular society. What examples do they have of people who have changed their destiny by becoming better individuals? It is thanks to Hashem for giving us the ability to do Mitzvot and Tshuva.

1500 mark reached!

Yay! Today my blog officially reached the 1500 mark! That means that my blog has been seen over 1500 times by people like you! Thanks for your interest and enjoying my rants!

Any ideas for future posts?

words can hurt

i've never claimed to be perfect, but i do consider myself a 'good girl'. i have never smoked a cigarette, tried drugs or done anything (too) non-shomer with a guy. i almost never drink (see post on Cosmos at weddings) and have only gambled once (i put some quarters in a slot machine - nope, didn't win though :( ). maybe i sound like the typical frum girl, but in the 'outside' world, beyond the frum bubble, you dont find too many women my age like me.

but there is something that i did that i feel terrible about. here's my confession.

i went out for coffee with some friends a couple of weeks ago. nothing harmless. we even stuck to the kosher selection at Starbucks and ordered those teas they have there that actually have real hechshers on the box. so we sat around on that rainy evening, sipping our chai, when this guy walked into the cafe. as soon as he picked up his order and walked out the door, we turned to one another to dish all the dirt that we had on him.

We all knew him, but not well. What we did know were things that were pretty negative. Very negative. Not just about him, but about his entire family. Gossiping can be fun, especially when you're the one saying something that others have not yet heard. And sometimes during a conversation like this you say "oh, I really shouldn't say this, its SUCH Lashon Harah", but of course, you still say it, because it's pretty rude to keep friends hanging. Right? Wrong?

At the end of the convo, we were all left with a very negative impression of this person and his family.

Some few weeks passed, and that's when I heard the worst thing I could ever hear.

It was Shavuos and one of our family discussions at the lunch table was about fasting on holidays. A guest of ours mentioned that you were permitted to fast on Shavuos if you did something reallly bad and wanted to do tshuvah, and in fact, that fasting in such a case would be encouraged. For some reason, that thought stuck with me as I sat through the endless courses served by my Jewish mother.

And then....during dessert, as I was about to start away at the fabulous cheesecake I had baked, another guest brought up the fact that someone he knew was very, very ill. The person who was sick was the father of the guy I had seen at Starbucks. The one that we had spoken so horribly about. I couldn't eat the cheesecake.

I know that people get sick. It's a fact of life. This father had been sick before, and this was a relapse. But, somehow, I felt and still feel somewhat responsible. I finally realize that words can hurt.

not being legal at your own wedding

Just a thought.... in the US, the legal drinking age is 21 (or at least in my state). So what happens when the bride and groom at a wedding are under age? Are they still allowed to drink the wine under the Chuppah? Does the Rabbi have to card them? Ask their parents for permission? Maybe they have to stick to grape juice....

What happens when the young couple need to rent a car for their honeymoon? A lot of rental places require you to be at least 25! Pretty silly to have to take the bus when you're already responsible for making dinner...

Worth a listen - Hadag Nachash

If you saw the Zohan movie (a supremely funny film, provided you're not offended by all the non-Shomer behavior) and you know your Israeli music, you'll know that a lot of the songs playing in the movie were from the famous group Hadag Nachash.

Maybe you'll recognize this one:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=MHoRfjxnGyo&feature=related

One of my faves is the Sticker Song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIbjpev6U5s

And if you really want to be a fan, here's the link to their site: http://www.hadag.co.il/

how long does shomer negiah apply?

So, as all of us Orthos know, the laws of shomer negiah are VERY serious and are actually from the written Torah.

(surprisingly, wiki has a great article on the subject: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negiah )

We've all been drilled about the evils of touching the opposite sex in high school, yeshivah, and recently, in a shiur I listened to online.

But how long should the rules of Shomer Negiah apply? And, in addition, how far must we take our observance of these rules?

Ok, you can stop having a heart attack right now. I am not at all suggesting that Halacha is in any way disposable.

But, we have needs right?

I recently hosted my cousin's fiancee (now, wife) for one of the shabbosim before their wedding. My cousin is very much a Yeshivish Black-Hatter BT who's majorly flipped and very machmir, and his wife is very much the stereotypical girl that goes for a Yeshivish Black-Hatter BT. So I was pretty surprised when my cousin dropped her off at my place that Saturday night after their date and I heard some smooching going on in the front hall. Am I an eavesdropper? Yes. But were they actually tap dancing? Definitely not. Were they breaking the Shomer rules even though they were engaged to be married in only a few weeks time? Can engaged couples smooch without guilt?

What about 40-year-olds? What if someone has been totally shomer their entire life, but also VERY single. (i know, nebach, but it happens! don't forget to add their name to your davening list!) Is someone supposed to go their entire life without having ever known another person's touch? Don't they say it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? (i'm trying to be romantic here, is it working?) Some of my friends have given themselves 'expiration dates' - kind of like that episode of Friends where two of the characters agree to be one another's 'backup' and marry one another in case both are still single at 30 - except my friends want to skip the wedding part, if you know what I mean.

To give another example, maybe a little less R-rated, I have a 20-something-year-old single female friend (anyone interested? she's gorgeous and a doll) who has maintained her Bais Yacov religious outlook (but with an awesome personality - often the two don't go together, unfortunately). She refuses to participate in any co-ed activities. I kind of think this is a bit silly, I mean, post-high school, surely she's realized there are boys in this world and they aren't all bad! But she insists that part of being Shomer, for her, includes staying away (far, far, away) from the opposite sex. So is she supposed to exist only in girls-only environments FOREVER? What if (G-d forbid) she doesn't get married so soon?

Thoughts? I hope you enjoyed this extra-controversial post - I know I'm definitely going to enjoy reading your comments ;)

chassidish taxi

i've always wondered why Chassidish women don't drive.... I can't figure out the reason behind it! Anyone know? (wouldn't they save a lot of taxi money if they did drive? and how do they shop for groceries for 23 children if they aren't able to get to the store on their own?)

Jewish Dating Survey

Are you Jewish? Female? Single? I'm sure you have something to say about dating!
Rebecca Sachs is a doctoral candidate completing her PhD. at Hofstra University's Clinical Psychology program. She is doing her dissertation on the dating experiences of Jewish women. Part of the study is an online survey that takes about 10-15 minutes to fill out. Please take the time to fill out the survey if you are a female who is:

• 18 year or over
• consider yourself to be Jewish (ranging anywhere in observance and beliefs from the completely unaffiliated, secular individual to the ultra-orthodox individual...as long as you consider yourself to be single)
• consider yourself to be single (ranging not-dating at all to being in the early stages of a relationship, as long as you consider yourself to be single)
• heterosexual

You can find the questionnaire at:
https://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=AHKmcTSf6FwGZQxi6_2fIX8Q_3d_3d

If you have any questions you can contact Rebecca at Rebecca.E.Sachs@gmail.com

crazy shadchan questions

Over Shabbos cake and tea, my friends and I discussed the crazy and often outrageous questions asked to girls by Shadchans. Here are a few winners:

Does the girl wear her seatbelt over her chest or does she put the seatbelt strap behind her? (obviously, if the girl dies in the process, she can no longer be a possible match, but at least she's tznius)

Does she stack dirty dishes at the Shabbos table or does she take each dish to the kitchen individually? (do wives = maids without pay?)

Is her Shabbos tablecloth white silk fabric or does her family use clear plastic? (again, modern convenience is a sign of laziness)

What is her waist size? (why not ask her mother's waist size? actually, ask for the mother's picture while you're at it! might as well come to terms now with what a girl will end up looking like 9 months after the chasuna!)

That's all I can think of for now. I know there are tons more! Feel free to add!

i want my cosmo

here's my question for the week: why don't religious weddings serve alcohol on the ladies' side?

my favorite part of any wedding (other than the feelings of joy for the happy couple and hours of partying) is the free kosher bar. I love my cosmos and pina coladas and weddings are usually the best place to get cocktails without having to worry whether the tequila the bartender is using has a worm in it. (i know, groosss huh?)

But i've noticed a trend at the "more frum" weddings that really irks the alcoholic and feminist in me - the trend where alcohol is only served on the men's side (and only the hard stuff, no girly drinks).

To be fair, the women's side normally gets the dessert table. but is that really fair? especially when most women are constantly dieting! Sure, drinks have calories too, but chocolate crepes have soo much more!

Why not get with the times, and bring equality to all? Let the guys and girls share the bar and the dessert table! All I know is I want my cosmo!

us weekly = lashon horah?

Like every jewish mother, mine goes to the supermarket or corner store every Friday to buy the latest issues of Us Weekly, In Touch and Star magazine. It's practically a Shabbos tradition at our home, as it also is at many other homes, to sit on the couch after our huge meal and discuss who's wearing what and who's dating who.

Obviously, if we've got guests over, this tradition has to be put on hold until our guests leave - it's pretty rude to make your guests sit at the table while you're analyzing Lindsey's outfit mishaps.

But when it's just the family, as it was this shabbos, it's all about the gossip mags.

However, we do make it a point of also discussing Torah at our Shabbos table. This week, our family debate concerned the story of Miriam where she speaks Lashon Harah to Aaron against Moshe and gets leprosy.

Which brings me to my thought of the day.... Is reading those gossip magazines the same as hearing Lashon Harah? After all, we're paying money to see pictures of other people and read information about them that may or may not be true, and that more often than not is pretty slanderous. Does the fact that I've never met these people, and the fact that these people actually put themselves in the public eye, make it ok? Thoughts?

wanted: cheesecake recipes

I'm going shopping this afternoon for my ingredients for my annual Shavuos cheesecake!

I want to make something really different & delicious that I've never made before!

Any ideas?

treifing it up on holiday

So a bunch of us girls went out for dinner tonight - and one of the topics on the menu was whether it's ok to loosen up on vacation. By "ok", i mean by our own personalized standards. By "loosen up", i mean in the most frum way possible, of course.

Like moi, my friends are all frum - frum with a modern twist - and while you may catch a glimpse of knee and collarbone when we walk by, you definitely wouldn't mistake us for those girls standing on the street corner.

But somehow, the rules kinda seem to change when we're on vacation. For some reason, having a tuna salad doesn't seem too bad when there are no kosher restaurants on our all-inclusive. And even a bikini seems pretty conservative on a beach where most European women are only wearing their bottoms. (if any of you Boys think there is something even remotely sexy about that, picture your 85-year-old grandmother sunbathing..... or maybe I should spare you the gruesome details)

Ok, so back to the topic - Are our Frum standards supposed to be flexible? Is it ok to bend the rules when we're stranded on an island? (ok, its a resort, but island nonetheless) Obviously, our great-grand-bubbies didn't look for an OU on everything they ate! And they would probably be dismayed about the clothes we wear today! (imagine being dressed as a frum 21st century girl in the 1600's! or even in the Gone with the Wind era - maybe then we would be confused for girls on a street corner!) Any thoughts?

women & gemara

ok, so as you can tell, I'm a fan of Frum Satire's site. Here's another post of his that got me itching to type away at my keyboard: http://www.frumsatire.net/2008/05/29/why-women-dont-learn-gemara/

at the modOrth high school i went to, gemara/talmud was just another one of the million subjects that we had to take, just as many times a week as Jewish History and Navi and all of the other Jewish classes. I never thought about learning gemara as something that was 'ground-breaking' or 'controversial'. Heck, I never even knew there was a controversy about it! (i know, I just said 'heck', but let's stay on track). I only learned that it was controversial when I was studying for exams with my Artscroll version of Masechet Megillah (also known as the cheater's guide to gemara) and my yeshivish neighbor happened to come over.

I remember color-coding my highlighters for the different sections of the daf, and reading about different rabbis (i'll never forget the story with Rabbi Eleazar ben Dordaya) and the different machlokets that came up. I'll admit some dafs were a little dry (did we really have to go into such detail calculating the time from the middle of the night to the last part of the night) and some of the things we learned didnt really apply to us (how to make tzitzis). But overall, it was a pretty enjoyable educational experience.

But I don't see what all the fuss is about. Why not let girls learn gemara? It's not like the gemara holds some mystical secrets that would make any of us blush or faint. Should we prohibit math from being taught to girls in school too? Knowledge is power, isn't it? Or is that the problem....

I love Rabbi Orlofsky (especially his shiur on shomer negiah), but maybe he should try teaching a girl's gemara class. The girls I know are definitely not named Suzy and our debates are a lot more heated than the conversation described in Frum Satire's post. My friends are smart, educated girls (also gorgeous and single) and are definitely not afraid to voice their opinions. We all have very different backgrounds and somewhat different outlooks, and there is nothing we love more than a good debate on a controversial topic. If only Hillary had us on her side!

My response to " I hear that wedding showers suck"

Frum Satire recently posted about wedding showers: http://www.frumsatire.net/2008/06/02/i-hear-that-wedding-showers-suck/

Here's my response: Wedding Showers are actually a lot of fun!

Being frum, your options are pretty limited when it comes to bridal showers. You can't invite in a hunky fireman to strip for you, and the lady with all the "pleasure" toys is off limits as well. Unlike Frum Satire's friend, my friends aren't the type to go to gay/lesbian clubs (not that we're anti- anyone, but a goyishe club is a goyishe club), so that's out too.

And yet, we creative girls manage to find ways to keep it all interesting. The point of a bridal shower is really to make your good friend happy, shower her with gifts and attention and well wishes, and to make the month leading up to the wedding slightly more enjoyable. It's also one of the last few times you'll get to see your friend.

You and I both know that once your friend is married, its GOODBYE! See you at the bris! Unless you're one of those people who are the type to really work on your friendships (the type that still keeps in touch with your bunkmates from sleep away camp), your friendship is no longer the same once the Chassan smashes that glass. She now has more important priorities in life - aka her husband. You can't just call a married friend in the middle of the night to discuss a horrible date you just had. You can't just swing by on Shabbos afternoons without making arrangements first. And you certainly cant make dinner plans without advance notice (who's going to babysit the hubby while she's out?)

So the bridal shower kind of serves as a way to mark the bride's friendships with everyone invited before she embarks on her new life as a wife.

One of my favorite parts of bridal showers is the games. Somehow, my competitive nature always comes out and it's kind of like a mini-reality/game show without a million dollar prize - you really only win the satisfaction of having won. I am totally stealing some of these toilet paper dress ideas next time I'm at a shower! (http://www.cheap-chic-weddings.com/wedding-contest-2007.html)

Oh, and about the Gift Registry? All I have to say is that it is definitely Hashem's gift to wedding guests. Honestly. Do you know how much I hate brides that dont have registries? Not having a registry forces me to devote an entire day and search all over the city for some creative, gorgeous gift that looks more expensive than it actually is, then look for a way to wrap it decently and get a card to match. All of this hassle is done while knowing that the bride will most likely hate my gift because her taste is sooo different from my own (which usually means she doesn't have any) and either return it or re-gift it. (we all know everyone re-gifts, right?)

A registry takes all of the complication out of the equation. All I have to do is go online, provide a credit card number (something I'm very good at) and presto! the bride gets a gift that she actually wants and needs!

There is nothing worse than going to a wedding shower where the bride opens all the gifts, and suddenly all the applause stops when she gets to the ugly what-on-earth-is-that-supposed-to-be gift that then gets the "oh, you can use that for Pesach" line. hopefully, that gift isn't the one you brought!

Worth a listen - a ModOrth wins Israeli Idol

Boaz Mauda (בועז מעודה‎) won the fifth season of Kokhav Nolad (the Israeli American Idol) and came in 9th place at the 2008 Eurovision Awards. Boaz was born and raised in Moshav Elyakim, where he still lives. He is the youngest son of his mother, who became disabled from complications of his birth. He is a Yeminite Modern Orthodox Jew. (thanks wiki)

Not only is this guy cute, but he is also extremely talented.

Click here to listen to some of his hits: http://youtube.com/watch?v=Mhx-jAy2z7Y&feature=related

He also has a great website: http://www.boazmauda.co.il/

my date with the shadchan

so i went to visit this shadchan tonight that my friend suggested.

let's just i got dressed up for nothing.

oh and I forgot to bring my Shidduch resume! I remember the first time I was asked to make one. I had never heard of such a thing in my life! I remember thinking - should I use the one I normally use for job searching? The one that lists my education and previous work experience? But, obviously, the criteria that a future employer would look for are exactly opposite of what a shadchan wants to see. (you may as well quit school in junior high, girls! what guy wants to have intelligent conversations with his wife? we all know dress size is what counts!) I remember looking online for help with my resume - but soon I realized the online form I was using was a joke when it asked for "Income declared by Father (on the Books)".

(for reference, here is the form: http://www.jewishmag.com/92mag/shidduch/shidduch.htm )

so anyhow, I arrive at the shadchan's house greeted by one of her daughters, around my age, still single (bad sign from the start, right?). Turns out it's Ladies' Night at Mrs. X's! There are girls galore in the family room aka waiting area. If only they gave out free drinks. I'm told I will only be given a few minutes with Mrs. X because it's already past her bedtime and there are still so many more girls to see.

So I finally go in to see her and she basically tells me to quickly sum up who I am and what I want. I think I could win Miss America with my introduction - "Hi, I'm Material Maidel and I'm 20-something years old, born and raised in Out-of-Town, and I hope to bring about world peace" - SMILE. She asks me a few questions about myself, what Im doing with my life. Then asks me what kind of guy Im looking for. She tells me not to be generic. I ask her what she mean by 'generic'? "Oh, you know, every girl comes in and says she wants a Baal Chessed and someone who has good middos", she tells me. She used some other Yeshivish words I didnt understand. I told her I definitely wasn't about to say that. (it's not that I dont want a good guy - but do I really think this shadchan would be the best judge of a stranger's character?)

She concluded by telling me to drop off my resume and picture the next day, and that she would definitely keep me in mind, even though she couldnt think of anyone my type right then.

So I asked her if she had a lot of guys come to her. Her response? "Nooo, no! I only have girls. I have to search for boys!"

Great. I got all fancied up (not that I normally dont anyhow) for nothing. Why did I waste my time? Why does she have to search for boys? Are they playing hide-and-seek? Is it true that there are more single Jewish girls out there? Where are you men????

cleaning out my closet

ok, so i've finally decided to clean out my closet.

nothing new, ive done this many times before over the years.

but why is it soo hard?

can you tell im procrastinating? id rather write about sorting clothes than actually do it. if only i had budgeted for a maid this month. wouldn't it be nice to have a full time maid follow me around, picking up and refolding my sweaters as i pull them out of my dresser? (it would almost be like having a second mom, without having to get anyone a mother's day card.)

that's what i love about staying at hotels. no matter how messy you leave the room in the morning, you know that you'll always come back to fresh towels, a vacuumed carpet and a bed beautifully made. (does Paris Hilton have a brother that's single?)

maybe i should get a job at the Gap just to learn some skills at how to better organize my clothes... ohhh I'm going to look online for some openings! Cleaning my closet will just have to wait!

wisdom with age

happy birthday to me!! happy birthday to me! i smellll like chanel and look like coco too!


ohh birthdays! celebrating my birthday this year was bittersweet. Sweet because it's always fun to have my friends and family celebrate ME! Bittersweet because it means that I may have to start using that night cream that my mother puts under her eyes.


It's interesting how people joke when they ask "How does it feel to be one year older? Do you feel any different today?". Obviously, the answer is no. How can I suddenly feel different one day to the next? And yet, when I look back to when I turned 18, I somehow can sense the subtleties of age. I may not feel different now, but when I look back on this moment, when I see the "big picture" of life, I'll be able to discern the changes.


Do I feel more mature now? Not really. If anything, I think I'm more outgoing and fun and laid back now then I was in high school. I've always been pretty mature for my age - but with age, I've learned to relax a little bit more and see the bigger picture.


Resolutions for the new year? To better appreciate what I already have, to be more focused about getting what I want, and to wake up each morning with the idea of accomplishing some kind of goal (big or small) before I go to sleep each night. And of course, to remember to thank Hashem for the opportunity to make these resolutions come true.