my gaydar is off

I was working on a group class project today with some people I've never met before (we were assigned partners!) and boy oh boy was my gaydar off.

One of the guys was wearing a ring on his wedding-ring finger, but it wasn't really typical, so I asked him if he was married.

He said he was, so then this is how the convo went (word for word):

MM: No way! But you look so young! How old are you?
Boy: 22.
MM: And married already? How old's your wife?
Boy:29.
MM:Whoa! Older woman! Why did you get married so young?
Boy: I had my reasons.
MM: Is she pregnant?
Boy: No. That wouldn't be possible.
MM: Huh? Ok... so what were your reasons?
Boy: We would have waited, but to get certain scholarships and for immigration reasons, it made sense.
MM:Oh...Your wife is an immigrant? Where from?
Boy: Mexico.
MM: And what do your parents think?
Boy: My mom is ok with it. My dad's a different story.
MM: Because you married a Mexican?
Boy: And because I'm a Democrat.
MM:Oh ok. Well... can I see a picture of your wife???
Boy: Sure. Here are the wedding pictures.
MM: Ok, but why are you showing me this guy? I don't care about him. I want to see your wife!
Boy: Um, well this is one of us together.
MM: But that's you and the same guy!
Boy: ....
MM: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh! So that's why your dad hates you!

Baruch Da'ayan Ha'Emet

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/11/28/india.attacks/index.html

happy black friday!

Hope you're taking advantage of the crazy deals today!

Wish I could shop too :(

But I've got so many things to do! (I know, I know, what could be more important than shopping...)

Why does it have to be Black Friday? Black Sunday would be much more convenient. (espesh when you're a Jew - Fridays are never long enough to get anything done!)

Random thought as you shop:

Ever notice that when something's on sale, all of a sudden you "need" it?

is it ok to like the gays?

There's a gay Jewish blogger out there (www.almostkosher.blogspot.com) that I discovered the other day. He's married (to a boy) and recently converted, Conserva/Reform style, to Judaism. In a comment on FrumSatire's recent post (based on one of our late night chats), Brian Judd asked about the halachas involved with gay men being able to go to a mikvah with other men.

Interesting question. My friends have actually wondered about that. Where do "the gays" fit in in an Orthodox setting? Do they have to be shomer negiah around men too? And do shomer rules not apply around women? (same q goes for the "lady gays" too)

I know doing the gay thing isn't exactly kosher. Ok, it's downright treif. And kinda gross when you think about the logistics of it (from a hetero standpoint at least! to quote Ben Affleck's character in Chasing Amy, "there are in holes and there are out holes" lol ok, too graffic huh? Babysitter - keep your eyes closed!)

But I remember taking a sociology class taught by an openly gay professor. He wasn't your 'typical' gay guy - he was pretty old, gray hair, big glasses, really overweight and had a horrible sense of style. He once talked about how hard it was for him when he was in his teens and twenties - growing up during a time when the perfect Pleasantville family was considered the ideal norm and when no one, not even celebrities, came out of the closet. His family pretty much shunned him. He spoke about how he would wish he wasn't gay, how it wasn't an option for him not to be. It was who he was.

I'm not going to debate the whole nature vs. nurture issue right now. Whether or not people are born gay is something that I can never really figure out. But the Torah says that acting on 'gay urges' is wrong. So could the Torah truly ban something that people are not able to control?

Despite what the tefillin daters may say, I do think that sexuality is something you can control. Just like you can control the urge to eat an entire bag of Miss Vickie's Jalapeno Chips (oooh so good). It may be harder to stop once you've had one chip (they say you can never each just one!), but you can always stop. And if you leave the bag closed, you (and your hips) are much better off.

There is this gay Jewish boy that I know. One day he told me how depressed he was that he was single (his ex had moved on - to a sheigitz!). It occurred to me that he would reallly get along with this other gay Jewish boy I knew. I was all excited to make the shidduch! (lol i'm a future yenta!) But then I wondered - was I being an accomplice to a potential sin? It turned out that gay boy #2 didn't think gay boy #1 was so attractive, so it didn't work (potential sin avoided!).
But was I in the wrong?

Despite knowing that being gay goes against my Ortho beliefs, I can't help but love being the Grace to my gay friends' Will. (Lesbians, Im not too into.... maybe Ive been hit on one time too many and it freaked me out) But gay guys are like girl friends that can give you a boy's perspective. So is it ok to like the gays?

hoping for thanksgiving

I want wish my fellow Americans a very Happy Thanksgiving. Let's pray that it will be a real day of Thanks and that the people being held hostage right now in Mumbai, India, are left unharmed and are soon released. Please say Tehillim (Perek Chaf) for the Chabad Shluchim Rabbi Gavriel Noach ben Freida Bluma, his wife Rivka bas Yehudis and their son Moshe Tzvi ben Rivka, and for all the other people involved in this crisis.

10,000 reads!

Material Maidel has passed the 10,000 hit benchmark!

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!

where are my friends this week?

Susan, Gabrielle, Bree, Edie and even Lynette ditched me on Sunday.

On Monday, there was no word from either Serena or Blair.

Tyra already said goodbye last Wednesday.

And now I hear that Christina, Meredith and Izzie are also leaving me hanging this Thursday.

I know it's Thanksgiving coming up, and everyone's busy making turkey -

but where are my friends this week?

do christians do it better?

My new coworker, the one with the sad story, has recently found herself at her church. She goes at least once a week, helps out with the youth services (i guess churches also have separate minyans!) and is endeavoring to read the entire bible in 90 days.

I think it's awesome that she's been able to find something that makes her happy and that allows her to get in touch with her spirituality. I'm not saying I think christianity is the way to go, but we can't all be Jews, can we?

She's always asking me questions about Judaism and Israel. One day she told me that she wishes she knew more about the bible, and so to educate herself she is taking on the 90-day bible read.

I don't think I've ever read the entire Torah. I barely remember reading past Shmuel Bet, and I know there were whole prakim that I slept through in Chumash class. (the sacrifice stuff just isn't that entertaining).

As for all the torah she'baal peh stuff - I'm the first to admit I need a refresher course, ok maybe a 101 course, on Halachos. (we do not cut our toilet paper for shabbos in my house!)

But I'm supposed to be frum, right? That should mean that I'm supposed to know more than the average person about all things Torah, right?

So why is it that my j.c.-loving coworker can quote Genesis 32:9 and I don't even know what that means?

Authentic Israeli Salad

how lucky we are

Ever have those moments when you're just so fed up with the people around you? you curse them, swear under your breath, promise yourself you'll leave as soon as you can. And then you calm down, and beg Hashem to forgive you and disregard every harsh word you've ever spoken or thought about those you love.

I was at a charity event last week. My mother was being honored for her involvement with the organization. One of the good deeds the organization does is send money to the Neve Michael Children's village in Pardess Chana, Israel. Neve Michael is home to hundreds of children who cannot go home---children from broken homes and from homes where they were physically and emotionally abused.

A girl, around my age, spoke at the event in mixed Hebrew/English. She was raised in Neve Michael. Her first memory of her father was of visiting him in jail. He's a "drugsaholic" - her word to describe him. Her mother goes from boyfriend to boyfriend - each more abusive than the next - always crying for lack of money. She loved being in Neve Michael because there she was normal. Her story was one of the better ones.

All this girl ever wanted in life was to be able to come home from school, with dinner ready and a loving family waiting for her. As she said those words, I was sitting around a table with my family at the event, I couldn't help but feel blessed for this small thing that I have.

At work the next day, a new coworker, also around my age, was telling me about her difficult childhood. Her mother got pregnant in high school. She never knew her father - and when she finally met him this summer, he had a new family of his own and he wanted nothing to do with her. She lives with her mother and half-sister (from another father, this one abusive and thankfully no longer in the picture either) in subsidized housing on in one of the worst areas of the city.

When she was in high school, her mother decided to go to college to become a nurse instead of a housekeeper, and so better provide for the family. But money was tight. Often, she would get headaches at school from having not eaten all day. Oatmeal in the morning, plain pasta in the evening. That's it. No money for fancy food. To this day she never buys cereal if it's not on sale.

She told me about a teacher at school chastizing the class that they weren't doing their part to fundraise for a trip. Here this teacher was talking about why they needed to give money for a trip, when all she had to eat that day was some lousy oatmeal. I'm not talking about the 1940s. This is something that happened maybe 10 years ago. Not in India or Africa. But right here, under our noses.

How many times have you complained about what your mother made for dinner? Or that your little brother is hogging the TV? Or that your father won't buy you a new car?

How many people wish they simply had those people to complain about?

typeanalyzer

FrumPunk did this, so why can't I? (http://frumpunk.wordpress.com/2008/11/24/analysis-based-on-my-blog/)

I went to TypeAnalyzer.com, the site that gives you an analysis of a blogger based on what's written on their blog.

So here's what I got (If you know the real MM, tell me what you think... I think it's almost dead-on!)

The analysis indicates that the author of http://www.materialmaidel.blogspot.com is of the type:

ESFP - The Performers

The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead - they are always in risk of exhausting themselves.

The enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation - qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions.

in the mood for movies

ever happen that you're home alone one evening with nothing to do?

you've checked your e-mail and facebook at least 10 times. you've read all the latest gossip from your fave bloggers. and you've already caught up with every episode of desperate housewives.

so what else is there to do?

there's nothing on tv at the moment. or maybe you don't have cable. so you go online, looking for something to watch.

need ideas?

go to www.whattorent.com . That's right - WHAT TO RENT!

You will LOVE the quiz. It looks long, but takes max 5 minutes. And the questions (such as how much would you need to be paid to wear a green neon fanny pack for the rest of your life) are hysterical. It's also interesting to see what movies they come up with based on your personality....

It def comes with an MM recommendation!

mm in the real world

I'm going crazy. MM crazy. MM has begun interfering with my life.

TRUE STORY #1

I was replacing one of the receptionists at work today.

And at the same time, I was reading the comments on MM. (seeee, I really do read them all)

When someone called, instead of saying "Company Name"...

I said "Material Maidel".

I promise you I did.

When I realized what I was saying - I was like OMG and hung up on the person! One of my coworkers was like 'what did you say??'. I tried to save and told her that I was reading up on fabric samples and got distracted.

TRUE STORY #2

I was at an event the other night, and a former high school teacher was there. She asked if I was still doing any writing. (I used to be editor of the paper - yes I was that girl)

I responded, "yes, I'm actually doing a lot of writing these days".

And then she asked me to specify.

Which is when I realized that I had been thinking about MaterialMaidel.

much needed dvar torah

I'm gonna try and "elevate" the mood on MM for this Shabbos.

We're reading my favorite Parsha this week - Chayei Sarah.

Why is this one my fave?
a) Because it's a story, and I love stories. Don't get me wrong - the dinim sections of the Chumash have good stuff too, but they're not as romantic;
b) it's the one parsha we seemed to learn a lot about in school; and
c) it deals with real people and real life situations. (life, death, dating, marriage, remarriage).

It's also a fave because this is the Parsha where Avraham buys Me'arat HaMachpela - in my opinion, one of the most interesting and strange places in Israel today.

Another reason why I love this parsha? Because it demonstrates the importance of women in Judaism. (i'm def not a bra-burning feminist, but it's nice to know that yiddishkeit is relatable to me as well).

Rabbi Yissocher Frand wrote an interesting Dvar Torah that I want to share with you.
(I've tried to shorten it a bit! For the full speil, click here: http://www.torah.org/learning/ravfrand/5760/chayeisarah.html)

***

The Midrash says that Sarah's name was changed from Sarai to Sarah (meaning officer/ruler/princess) to show her being given dominion over the entire world. But if you look at Sarah's life it doesn't exactly seem like she had that much power over.

She was taken captive by Pharoah and then Avimelech. For 90 years, she was barren.

Rav Nissan Alpert suggests that in spite of everything, Sarah did rule over the entire world. A person who can maintain her equilibrium, her serenity and faith, in spite of the events that surround and effect her is indeed a person who "rules over the entire world".

We cannot change the course of events. There are things that happen to people every day that we cannot control - death, war, natural disasters. That's what life is about.

So if there is so much that we cannot change - how do we 'rule'? Only by maintaining one's serenity and equilibrium throughout it all.

That is what the life of Sarah was. For a woman to remain barren for 90 years and experience so many the trials and tribulations was not a simple matter. And yet we see the same Eishes Chayil [woman of valor], the same Ba'alas Chessed [personality of kindness], the same Matriarch Sarah throughout. This is indeed a person who ruled over the entire world.

The Midrash also says the following: "Let Esther the granddaughter of Sarah who lived for 127 years come and rule over 127 provinces." What's the connection?

Esther also had a life of trials and tribulations. Esther had a life that could have been influenced by events that happened to her. She was an orphan. She was taken against her will to the palace of the King...

Esther could have forsaken her people in exchange for the success and the fame that she was receiving. However, Esther remained rock solid in her faith. She did not let events shape her life. She maintained herself. Therefore, Esther could rule over 127 provinces -- virtually the entire known world at that time.

If a person has learned the secret of not letting external events shape his or her life and rather maintains an internal serenity in spite of those events, that person has in fact achieved a great degree of control.

Something to think about.

Have a GREAT Shabbos!

tefillin dates - part one

I was debating whether to write about this site I found a few months ago. http://tefillindate.blogspot.com/

WARNING - before you click away, decide whether you're ok with seeing some very graphic images. CalmKallahs is like Disney compared to this site.

The site description says this: "This blog is dedicated to sex and sexuality in the frum community. We believe the Yeshivish/Chassidish world is too uptight and repressed and we are committed to changing that. The fact is that there is an incredible ammount of premarital sex and fooling around in the frum world but many are afraid to discuss it openly. That is all about to change..."

I hate to even give this site more attention than it already has, considering that I don't necessarily believe in what it is condoning.

But everyone should have an outlet, right?

What bothers me about the site is the way it ridicules religious items. I don't want to get too graphic, but they use sacred religious objects in reallllllllly untznius ways. LOL wow, I found a way to articulate that.

I guess the only way for you to understand what I mean, is to check it out yourself. But don't say I didn't warn you first!

calm kallahs

FrumSatire just asked me whether I've heard of www.CalmKallahs.com .

Then I saw he wrote a post about their forums, which deal with bedroom issues for frum couples: http://www.frumsatire.net/2008/11/19/is-calm-kallahscom-just-frum-porn-in-disguise/

Yes, FrumSatire, I've definitely heard of CalmKallahs.com.

Let's just say it was part of a lot of my friend's "education" growing up.

I was first introduced to the site by a seminary friend a couple of years ago.

It definitely gives you insight into what the Frum world is thinking about. And also makes you realize that people are people - we all have the same issues, questions, thoughts, etc...

I remember wondering who would actually use the site. When I first learned about it, most very Frum homes did not have the internet yet. But yet the site seems geared towards that crowd.

I think it's great that CalmKallahs exists. I hope it helps a lot of people. Some of the questions and answers may seem a little ridiculous, but that's for you to judge.

If you haven't seen the site before, go to www.calmkallahs.com and then click Forums at the top. (note that Forums is written in the biggest font). Then click one of the forums labelled 'intimate' and enjoy!

If you'd rather not read about such 'intimate' topics, maybe you should skip this one. The topics discussed are definitely not rated G.

MM Contest!

MM is having a Contest!

Send in your fave pics of the perfect, ideal Slimy Shmuli and Fixer-Upper to materialmaidel@gmail.com!

Maybe you know someone that's the ultimate Slimy Shmuli or Fixer-Upper?

Or maybe you just found the pic online!

Pictures will be featured in an upcoming post on www.materialmaidel.blogspot.com

Be sure to make your Slimy Shmuli and Fixer-Upper anonymous
- put a nice big kiss or heart over their face.

And then send to materialmaidel@gmail.com

Best Slimy Shmuli and Fixer-Upper pics will get an amazing prize!

the fixer-upper

Have you ever gone out with a guy and thought to yourself, "he seems really nice, but boy does he need a makeover!"?

You want to be listening to what he's saying, but you can't help being distracted by the ugly shirt he chose to wear on your date. Not to mention those shoes.

You start to wonder how he would look if he had a different haircut, or a new set of glasses.

Would you be more attracted to him if he was dressed well?

But you're not supposed to get serious with someone that you plan on 'changing', right?

They say you should never try to change a man.

But then, your mother's the one who shops for your dad.

You want to give him a chance because he seems sweet, and is kind of funny (based on what you have paid attention to), and he opens the car door for you.

But it's hard to follow a conversation with him when all you can think about is whether you can get enough footage for TLC's What not to wear.

He says he just bought the jacket he's wearing. He wants to know if you like it. You think it's the ugliest thing you've ever seen. You can play it nice and tell him you love it.

Or tell him the truth.

After all, it's never good to start a relationship based on lies! (right?)

friends with benefits

So one of my friends (a rather innocent good girl) is on one of those Jewish dating sites that are meant for 'frum' singles.

You MUST read the following convo:

Crazy: hey how are you? im dave!! wud u like to be friends with benefits?

GoodGirl: maybe.... what are the benefits?

Crazy: well kinda sexual benefits. like well be friends ust not shomer friends!

GoodGirl: ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! no. lol seriously? maybe youre on the wrong site? try craigslist's personals?

Bad Cantor

This is how the guy who posted this video describes it:

"I was recently watching my wedding video when it struck me just how god awful the Cantor was. In this 1 minute 13 second gem, look at my very soon to be bride's face as she grimmaces gamely through this amazingly bad rendition of some Jewish blessing, sung by a slightly overweight, balding Cantor with a voice that would kill birds in flight."

i hate tights

Tights are the bane of my existence. Call them hose, pantyhose, nylons, stockings, whatever you like. I hate them all.
As a Frum girl who only wears skirts, tights are a necessity in the winter. But why oh why do they have to be so d*mned uncomfortable??
I remember making my mother crazy in elementary school, going through dozens of tights each morning. Some were too scratchy, some too tight, some too loose, some too twisted. Just like they are today.
I got smart later on and stuck to wearing leggings under my uniform. They weren't as in style then as they are now, but it sure beat having to keep your legs shaved!
But then post-high school, when I started saying goodbye to jeans (which by the way are the greatest invention of the 20th century - they look great with everything!), I couldn't wear leggings any more. For one, they weren't in style, and secondly, it's a hard look to pull off if no one else in your school is doing it.
So I started wearing tights.
For a second in seminary, when I was on the verge of a brainwash, I actually thought about whether I wanted to go reallly shtark - you know, wear pantyhose in the summer. But then I thought again, and my dreams to be a good Bais Yacov girl when down the drain.
So instead I settled on being me. A girl who refuses to wear any type of pantyhose unless the weather requires it.
If it's warm out - my legs are bare. I don't care if I'm going to work or going to a yeshivish wedding. What's the point of pantyhose that's the same color as my skin? It's not like there's some kind of Frummie Force that checks out every girls' legs... (or is there? if there is, let's hope they're women - actually.... maybe not) I'm definitely not going to wear hose for the sake of wearing them.
So when fall comes around, I finally give in. I wear those thick black DKNY tights that actually do keep me warm. Isn't that what they're for?
Sometimes I'll buy other brands - you know, whatever is on sale (tights are the one thing that you should never buy full price if you can avoid it - because no matter how much you paid, they WILL tear). But then when I do buy other brands, that's when I go nuts. One pair will fit, another will not. But because tights rarely have labels - I can never tell which brands are worth buying again and which are not.
The worst is when your tights go crazy while you're wearing them out. They roll up or roll down, get twisted - and when you're wearing a dress, it ain't easy to fix.
Some girl friends and I were walking home one winter's Shabbos with one of our newly-married friends + her new hubby. New Hubby+Bride were walking slightly ahead when one friend whispers to the rest of us "My tights are falling!". The zipper on her coat had gotten stuck so she couldn't reach her waist to pull them up. So there was nothing she could do to keep them from falling down. "She twisted her ankle," we told the new couple, "Don't worry about us, we'll walk slowly with her, you two go ahead". The New Hubby seemed really concerned. We finally persuaded him+new wife to go ahead and not wait.
But then when my friend looked down, her tights were at her ankles!

yeshivish economics

I read this post on www.JustStam.blogspot.com and thought it was cute and definitely worth sharing:

"Due to the current economic state, lakewood is advising bochurim to marry for love"

slimy shmulis

Ok, since I've spent all that energy writing about my fellow females - why not spend some time discussing the male equivalent of a hot chani? I'm calling these guys Slimy Shmulis.

They're the guys married to Hot Chanis (the gaudy type). They may even be responsible for perpetuating the Hot Chani trend - guys who's roving eyes make their women so self-concious they think they need to dress a certain way and keep up a certain look to keep their men from straying. But Slimy Shmulis do stray. But only with Shiksas, because then it doesn't count.

Slimy Shmulis are the Jewish answer to the Italian Mobster. They wear pinstriped suits, black velvet kippahs, and pointed leather shoes. When they do 'dress down', it's a black polo shirt with the same pinstriped pants and pointed leather shoes. They spend more time in the mirror than a Hot Chani, ensuring that every hair on their head is slicked back into place.

Slimy Shmulis drive big black Escalades or other luxury cars, which they may or may not be able to afford. You never know how much money a Slimy Shmuli has or what he does to earn it. Sometimes he's in 'real estate' or in 'cell phones', but he's always on his Blackberry 'making big deals'.


Here's a photo to give you an idea:

hot chani

why is everyone talking about 'hot Chani's' lately?

FrumSatire wrote a post about girls who are considered 'hot Chani's' with a picture showing girls, who in my opinion do NOT actually fit the description. (http://www.frumsatire.net/2008/11/13/what-is-a-hot-chani)

The first time I heard this term was in Israel, when those Mir boys (who weren't for mir: http://materialmaidel.blogspot.com/2008/07/mir-boys-are-not-for-mir.html) called my friends that. We were like 'huh?'. I just thought it was only a term used by guys around other guys. Until recently.

Then I did a little more research.

Little Frumhouse wrote about what it takes to be a 'hot Chani' back in 2007: http://frumhouse.blogspot.com/2007/03/do-jewish-women-have-chiyuv-to-be-hot.html
She refers to a post written in 2006 by Ask Shifra(http://askshifra.blogspot.com/2006/10/chol-hamoad-at-six-flags-part-two.html).

So what do I think?

First off - I should start by telling you that all my friends are hot chanis! Seriously. My friends are all babes - gorgeous girls, with amazing personalities, with good jobs and/or college degrees who also happen to be frum. Some are even named Chani.

I'm talking about the single girls here. The married ones often stay hot, but don't often stay in touch and tend to move away :(

So is there anything wrong with being frum and looking good at the same time? I don't think so. As long as you're within the limits of tznius, why not try to dress well?

I have a good friend who majorly flipped out in seminary. Like major. She went from dating non-Jews one month to measuring skirt lengths the next (in case you're wondering, they must be kaka length, anything too long or too short was considered immodest for where she went for sem). She was always one of the most fashionable girls in my class. She loved reading Vogue, drawing sexy clothes, keeping up on the latest trends.

Then when she come home from seminary one summer - I barely recognized her. She would only wear button-down shirts (buttoned way, way up) and ugly skirts, with thick pantyhose and ugly shoes. Very Israeli Charedi. Definitely not Hot Chani. She didn't even pluck her eyebrows or comb her hair anymore - she said those things were not important and got in the way of her spirituality.

But does Hashem really want you to look ugly?

I don't think so.

I think it's true that some people go a little overboard with their looks. Like getting too much Botox - in the end, too much of it will only make you look worse! Whenever I'm in Flatbush (home of many Hot Chanis) I actually get grossed out by some of those women. It seems to be a fad over there for women to wear too much makeup, too much jewellery, just too much of everything. I'm not dissing Brooklyn. It just seems to be so much more of a trend over there.

There is a fine line between looking good and looking gaudy. And gaudy women are not Hot Chanis. At least not in my books. But there is nothing wrong with looking good!

more makeup

sorry for driving you up a wall with my changes tonight!

in the wise words of kate perry, i change my mind more often than i change my clothes - OFTEN!

hope you like the new 3-column format!

feel free to comment!

jesus is magic

As the token orthodox Jew at work, I get asked a lot of questions. Questions like: Why don't I wear pants? Why do I have to leave early on Fridays? What’s the whole deal with kosher?

One guy asked me about "that holiday where you guys don't eat eggs". I soon figured out he was talking about Pesach. I guess he got his grocery products mixed up.

One girl exclaimed that she just found out that "the Torah is the same thing as the Five Books of Moses!" I was actually pretty impressed that she knew what the Torah is.

That same girl said this Rabbi came to her church one Sunday. I asked what he spoke about. "Well, you know, Jesus and the divine spirit". I'm pretty sure he wasn't a YU Smicha grad.

Another one of my coworkers is pretty catholic - she goes to church every week and even teaches Sunday school.

Last spring, she wanted her students to know that jesus was Jewish so she was planning an authentic Passover Seder and had a whole bunch more questions for me about it. I directed her to www.askmoses.com which is her new favorite site. I also gave her my secret recipe for Charoset, which she said was amazing.

(Side note - it's always weird to me when non-tribe members eat Jewish food - I don’t know if I would actually want to eat gefilte fish if I wasn’t brought up on it!).

Then one day, the catholic coworker brought in a pamphlet for me. She said it was for a community Seder, and thought I might be interested in going.

I took one look at the pamphlet. The words "Jews for jesus" sprang out at me.

I think I must have had a look of horror and a tone of disgust as I said those words out loud.

And then it hit me - this woman actually believes that jesus is magic.

And here I am, basically suggesting that I think her religion is baloney. Which I do. But I don’t like to be mean about it. Or hurt anyone’s feelings. Everyone has a right to believe in magic if they so choose.

After I said that, all I could think was “oh, sh*t, foot in mouth” and endured a brief awkward moment of silence.

Then she said, “you know about them?”. To which I responded, “ya – it’s just that they’re not really well-liked in the Jewish community.” Awkward silence part II.

“And…. my parents kind of like it when I’m home for the holidays”.

Nice save? I think?

So what was I supposed to say? I’m pretty sure she knows that we end where the new testament begins. She once asked me if Moses was our version of their boy.

And then there was that time when she said that having pre-marital sex with her boyfriend was ok because jesus loves her and she loves her boyfriend and so jesus loves love. I don’t know how telling you that was relevant to the post, but I think it’s funny.

So getting back to my story – how do I tell someone I’m not really into their religion? That although they love to learn about my religion, I’m not too interested in theirs?

The girl who had the ‘rabbi’ give a sermon at her church sits right near me, and we often share book and music likes. Today I put on the MM playlist, and then after making her listen to 30 minutes of Hebrew rap, I asked her what she wanted to listen to. She told me about some artist that she thought was ‘soooo good-looking’ and that I’ve never heard of. Turns out he’s got buck-teeth and all his songs have to do with x-mas.

I felt bad turning the music off – so gave some fake excuse about someone complaining about how loud it was. (acting skills come in handy sometimes)

I felt bad about not liking her music taste – and about lying.

But what’s a Jewish girl living in a goyish world supposed to do?

mm's playlist - update

I know some of my readers don't listen to goyish music or anything that constitutes Kol Isha - which is partly why I turned off the automatic feature on my playlist.

I'm trying to find more kosher music on playlist.com, but it's not too easy!

And besides - this is the stuff MM reallly listens to! It's kinda eclectic, isn't it? ;)

Like I said, feel free to suggest more music - or even a better program!

not for kosher eyes

I see London,

I see France,

I see Gwyneth

In her Underpants!

http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/story/0,26278,24610271-7485,00.html

the new shidduch crisis

My boyfriend FrumPunk has a reallly great and well-written post about the "new" shidduch crisis - seriously, it's a must-read! http://frumpunk.wordpress.com/2008/11/12/the-new-shidduch-crises/

Siiigh...... if ONLY we had that problem!

mm has a playlist!

like the songs? want to suggest a few more?

let me know!

xoxo

MM

forgetting my brachas - part 2

On my last day of seminary, I went to meet with one of my favorite Rabbis about my little 'problem'. He gave me a copy of this poem that I kept on my fridge for a very long time, but must've been thrown out with the Pesach cleaning one year. But I managed to find it online! So here it is:

I Didn't Have Time

I got up early one morning

And rushed right into the day!

I had so much to accomplish

That I didn't have time to pray.

Problems just tumbled about me,

And heavier came each task.

"Why doesn't God help me?" I wondered.

He answered, "You didn't ask!"

I tried to come into God's presence;

I used all my keys at the lock.

God gently and lovingly chided,

"Why, child, you didn't knock!"

I wanted to see joy and beauty,

But the day toiled on, gray and bleak.

I wondered why God didn't show me.

He said, "But you didn't seek."

I woke up early this morning,

And paused before entering the day.

I had so much to accomplish

That I had to take time to pray!

forgetting my brachas

I had a convo about this with my good friend Leah the other day.
I wasn't raised yeshivish-style. I learned that brachas existed, but it was never really enforced.
I remember doing pretty poorly on our fourth grade quiz on brachot - I could never figure out what to say over cornflakes or rice krispies!
In elementary school, they didn't expect us to say brachos before we ate. For benching, one not-so-lucky student would have to say the prayer out loud over a loudspeaker in the cafeteria for all to hear. Some kids were pretty embarassed to do this - especially if their hebrew skills were lacking. I, on the other hand, always loved being the center of attention - still do! But while I now know all the words to Bircat Hamazon, I still rarely say it.
My high school had washing cups - but only the really frum Rabbis or kids who were on the verge of flipping out ever used those. I would sometimes wash too - but only if all my friends were doing it. Good thing I didn't follow that trend with drugs.
My mother sometimes reminds me to thank G-d before I eat a fruit - I guess she doesn't think G-d has as much of a connection to chocolate or pretzels. But except for those rare occasions, I still have trouble remembering to stop before I eat.
And like most ModOrth families, my family always benches after a meal - on Shabbos. I know my father benches after every meal, but everyone else is usually long gone from the table and back in front of a tv or computer or out of the house, when that happens.
So why don't I say my brachas?
It's not that I don't want to.
It's just that I'm not programmed to.
And partly lazy.

don't hate me because im smart

Once upon a time, in a city not so far away, a good friend of mine, Estella, put up a profile on JDate.

Estella was a rather good-looking girl, was a rather accomplished girl, and funny and witty too (she is friends with me, after all).

But Estella wasn't getting lucky.

On JDate that is.

So Estella made a few changes to her profile.

She edited out the PhD and the profession. She edited in 'some college' and 'secretary'.

And she got lucky.

What's the moral of this story?

Do smart girls scare Jewish boys?

hair hair hair

Is it wrong that I've decided I want to wear a wig because that way I won't have to worry about spending money on hair care products? (I've been giving this a lot of thought since FrumPunk and I hooked up)

Sure a sheitel can cost you over a grand. But buying mousse and gels and getting $200 professional highlights a few times a year adds up!

Ever had a bad hair day? Say goodbye to those days when you buy a wig!

Need to get ready for a wedding in under ten minutes? Slip on a sheitel and some lip gloss and you're ready to go!

Wish you could go blond without the commitment? Find a new sheitel in your favorite shade!

Just look how great Britney looked!

lets gets married

if someone came to you right now and said "I have the perfect person for you. They are your beshert. And here's the invitation to your wedding"....

Would you go through with it?

jewberry on the john?

I just read this article about Jewberry (http://www.newsday.com/news/local/ny-lijewberry1104,0,3208994.story). Jewberry is software that lets you upload tfillos on your blackberry.

so i was wondering.... halachically, can you bring an e-siddur into the bathroom?

Important to watch

My friend sent me this powerpoint presentation and I thought I should share it with all of you.

While it isn't the best quality, it is still very important to watch - just for the message it conveys and pictures it shows.

Here's the link:

http://www.slideboom.com/presentations/26113/IT_SEEMS_IMPOSSIBLE

did you vote today?

i hope you did!

i can't wait for the results to come in!

not because i care who wins - but because this has been stretched for tooo long!

MM news

- my best friend Miri (she's Miri I'm Mara) suggested that the last makeover was a little too 'springy'. So hope you like snowflakes!

- looks like the old MM viewcounter spazzed on me. And this new isn't working too well either. Anyone know where I can find a viewcounter that works?

- YES, FrumPunk and I are officially a couple. I'll let you know when he proposes. You're definitely invited to the wedding.

women in public

So when I self-googled today (I am not ashamed to admit that I do), I came across my name mentioned in a comment on this post on the SerandEz blog:

http://serandez.blogspot.com/2008/09/women-in-public-tznius-or-not.html

It's an interesting post about whether it is permissible for a woman to be a public figure. The article suggests that because more attention is paid to women, women are responsible for keeping a higher level of tznius than men.

ProfK commented that men are just as 'noticeable' as women, and gave my recent post about my distractingly hot prof as evidence. (here's the post: http://materialmaidel.blogspot.com/2008/09/teachers-should-be-ugly.html )

So what do I think?

I do think women are more noticeable. If a man and a woman walk by - who do you look at? Guys will look at the woman - to check out her assets. Girls will look at the woman - to check out her outfit. It's the truth.

Girls look at girls. Not because they're attracted. But because they're assessing. When girls check girls out, we think to ourselves "where did she get those shoes" or "is her hair real" or "ugh she's so pretty - I hate her".

Unless the man walking by is especially good-looking, he's not the one that gets noticed first.

BUT - with that said, why shouldn't a woman be allowed to run for public office? Or take on a job or position that puts her in the public eye?

I have a friend who went to a high school that wouldn't allow men to hear their daughter's speeches during graduation. Are women to be seen and not heard? Is that the message being taught to their children?

If women ran the world - the world would be a much better place. Maybe that's what they are afraid of.

Where can I buy a button-down shirt?

FrumSkeptic had a really funny post the other day: http://onefrumskeptic.blogspot.com/2008/10/opening-door.html

Here's a snippet:

"So this teacher was a psych. major in college. She told us that males are one-track minded. All they think about is sex/nudity and all that encompasses. She constantly told us that "guys fall in love with what they see, and girls with what they hear" and so she told us how her husband wasn't the best looking but was "good-enough" for her. Her point was, was that, us girls should dress to entice on our dates; she told us that we should wear button-down shirts on our first date. So we were all like "what, why?" And she said "so that he can imagine unbuttoning them."

Worth a watch - Kath & Kim

Why isn't anyone watching this show?

Kath & Kim is HILARIOUS! And only 22 minutes of your time each week!

It was brought over from Australia and stars Selma Blair & Molly Shannon (from SNL).

You can catch full episodes here:

http://www.nbc.com/Kath_and_Kim/

and here:

http://www.surfthechannel.com/show/television/Kath__Kim_US.html

Worth a listen - Ari Goldwag

I usually only listen to Jewish music right before Shabbos (gotta get in the mood!) or never.

But this guy Ari Goldwag has an amazing voice and it's nice to hear a song that has real meaning once in a while. (he was in the Miami Boys Choir - now he's all grown up! but he's married, ladies! is it just me, or do you also find a black hat a major turn-on?)

You can visit his site : http://www.arigoldwag.com/

Or just get the song, Finally Here right here:
www.arigoldwag.com/Finally%20here.mp3

Enjoy!

Worth a listen - KNOB

I wish the quality on this video was a little bit better - but it's an awesome song by this Israeli duo, KNOB- individually known as Meital Patash and Niv Cohen.

They're getting famous - and this song and others make you want to get up and dance - Tel Aviv style!

For more KNOB (and better songs, although not all are Kol Isha-free) go to: http://www.myspace.com/knobteta

are charedi girls raped?

Maybe I shouldn't have used the word 'rape'.....

But I was reading FrumPunk's post in response to my post and got thinking. (Here's his post: http://frumpunk.wordpress.com/2008/11/01/changing-priorities/)

He talks about how all his life he was taught to avoid the opposite sex and then one day he's actually encouraged to interact.

While it may be kind of crazy, maybe it's a little bit better the way FrumPunk experienced life than the Charedi way (I like the term because it bunches together anyone in Black, but maybe what I really mean is Chassidish).... Although, I wish I had a little bit more insight into that world. But I don't - so I'm working off of perception and general knowledge here. (it's not like anyone is looking for parenthetical citations here)

I've actually had conversations about the following with my friends. We can't help but wonder how Charedi people deal with this.

How does a Charedi couple go from ZERO interaction with the opposite sex to suddenly being forced to go not just to First Base on their wedding night, but allll the way home?

Is it scary for the two individuals involved?

I don't want to get graphic here (there is plenty on the internet for that!), but how does it work???

I know that some ModOrth and other couples are fully shomer before chuppah - but it's not like the chuppah is the first time they're seen together in public or first time they've had a real conversation or some laughs together (ok, maybe they're not having a conversation or sharing jokes under the chuppah, but you catch my drift, right?).

So how does it work for a couple that has met maybe a half dozen times and mostly at her family's dining room table?

i can't eat anymore

The Saturday Night Dilemma.
You sit in the car with a bunch of your friends, trying to decide what to do.
Your options when you're a bunch of frum girls or guys or both are pretty limited.
You can eat.
Or you can go to the movies.
Going to the movies isn't very interactive.
So you go to eat.

Sometimes you go skating, or bowling, or to play pool. But some of your girl friends don't find the skates or bowling shoes very flattering and would prefer not to do that. And you're all sick of sucking at pool.

So you go to eat.

Usually somewhere where everyone is at.

Everyone being the entire kosher community when you live in Out-Of-Town.

Because maybe that's the only place to go. Or maybe the best place to go. So you go.

And you eat.

Even though you're stuffed.

Your mother's chulent and kugel were especially excellent this Shabbos.

But the items on the menu look good too. And you can't just sit there not eating.

So you eat.

The food is good.

You've been craving sushi/pizza/shwarma ever since you walked in.

You're out with your friends.

You're having fun.

And you're eating.

But there comes a time when you just can't eat anymore.

But what else is there to do.....

Especially when you're a Jew?