Yom Ha'atzma'aut Sameach!!!

frum or aspergers?

There's this guy who works on my floor...
He's actually not too bad looks-wise
But a little bit awkward...

I think he might be married
Not sure how he managed that one...
(guess everyone really does find their beshert)

He never says hello
And never makes eye contact
Just shuffles along rather shyly

One day I ran to catch the elevator
That he nicely kept open for me

But when I got into the elevator
He turned to face the corner
Nose to the wall
When I thanked him for holding the doors

He even said "You're welcome"
While standing facing the corner
Where he stood for the duration of the ride
Even as other people got on and off

Super-frum or Aspergers syndrome?

scary in-laws

Here's a random question for MM readers - please feel free to comment -

Would you turn down a potential girl or guy based on who they're related to?

Supposed the girl/guy of your dreams... or ok.. let's be realistic here... a girl/guy you're considering... happens to have a mother or father from H-E-Double Hockey Sticks?

Would you stay to see how much you can take - or would you make a quick run for it before you're in too deep?

worth a watch - the Jewish Jets

Enjoy!

the only boys with beitzim

Maybe you read this post I wrote a while ago where I questioned whether Jewish boys have beitzim...
I was at a Jewish singles event not too long ago - ok, so technically it wasn't a singles event, and there were marrieds there too, and while any event that describes itself as being for 'singles' has me running the other way, I think it's time to face reality - any Jewish get-together where people are of a certain age and where there is alcohol present is automatically a chance for unattached youth (can I still call myself that? grownups know how to pay taxes and get their oil changed and I certainly am helpless in both regards) to meet and mingle and scope out the opposite sex.
Wow, that sure was a long paragraph about nothing.
Ok, so at the aforesaid event, I was quite nicely surprised to witness several Jewish boys with actual beitzim in their pants. Jewish boys who weren't scared to walk up to cute girls and introduce themselves. Buy a girl a drink. Maybe even ask for a phone number. I know - shocking right?
Welll.... here's the thing....

It seemed like the only guys with actual beitzim were the guys that the average cute Jewish girl would never give their time of day to - or maybe even run away from.

I know, I know - I have a lot of readers who vouch for the Jewish nerd. And while I will say that sometimes there is a certain charm to your Seth Cohen, Seth Rogen or Ross Gellar look-alike, the nerd/weirdo I refer to is that of the Woody Allen variety (i'm sure you heard about that whole American Apparel spiel). My bestie Shaindy is probably shaking her head right now in disagreement, as she is rather partial to the director of Annie Hall. But in my books, unless that socially awkward shmuck has won or is on his way to winning an Oscar (Woody excluded) or a Nobel Prize (they never seem to win Grammys do they?), then a creep he is.

(Important side note - Creeps do not necessarily = Socially Awkward Jewish Boys. There are plenty of cuties that turn creepy too. But for the purposes of this dissertation, and by the length of this post, I probably should get this thing APA'd and published, let's just not go there.)

So why does it seem as though the only boys with beitzim are the ones we try to avoid?

This very nice older gentleman drove me home that night (when I say he was older, I mean that he was born when there were still discos) and we talked about the whole shidduch crisis - what else do people talk about in NY. He mentioned that he couldn't understand how with all these events, and with so many young people concentrated in certain areas of the city, that it seems like no one is getting married.

Definitely not a new topic of discussion. And definitely, many have tried to give reasons for this dilemma.

I just told him and the other boys in the car that they better get a move on it. Looks like the Seths are giving them some good competition.

my schlissel challah

Isn't it gorgeous? I made it all by myself today!

Kudos to Shaindy and her family, also known as my other family, for letting me in on their minhag to bake Challah with a Key in it (schlissel is yiddish for key) on the Shabbos after Pesach.

Over at A Simple Jew, I found the following reasons for this supercool minhag (which like Shaindy's family, I've decided to adopt as my own):

1).In Shir Hashirim (which we read on Pesach) it says פִּתְחִי-לִי אֲחֹתִי רַעְיָתִי - “Open for Me, My sister, My beloved". Chazal say that Hashem asks us to open up for Him a small whole like the tip of a needle and He will open up a huge hole for us. Also, Klal Yisroel is called a bride and they are called the bechina (aspect) of bread. During Pesach all the upper gates and minds are open and after Pesach they close and we need to open them. Therefore, we put a key in the challah after Pesach to hint at us opening a small “hole”, through the mitzvah of Shabbos (and, if I might add, the mitzvah of challah) and now Hashem should open up all His good from his storehouses and the heavens like He gave the mon to our fathers in the month of Iyar, and this Shabbos we bless the month of Iyar.

2) After Pesach is when the mon stopped falling and we brought the Omer. From then on we needed to eat from the produce of the ground; we needed parnasa, since untill now we had the mon. It is known that everything has a gate. Therefore just as we daven to Hashem to open up the gates of parnasa we have a minhag to put the form of a key on the challos to allude that Hashem should open up the gates of parnasa for us.

3) During sefira we count 49 days till Shavuos, the 50th day, which is the shaarei bina. We go from gate to gate, and each gate has a key. That is why we make an image of a key on the challah.

4) It says in Shir Hashirim 1:11 תּוֹרֵי זָהָב נַעֲשֶׂה לָּךְ עִם נְקֻדּוֹת הַכָּסֶף - "We will make for you circlets of gold with spots of silver." By the Mishkan it says זהב וכסף ונחשת, putting zahav (gold) before kesef (silver). In Bereishis, by the creation of the world, the first day it says Yehi ohr which is chesed (which is represented by silver) and the second day represents gevurah, which in turn represents gold. The reason is that by the creation of the world it was pure chesed, as it says “the world was built on chesed” (Tehilim 89,3), therefore chesed, which is representative of kesef, precedes gevurah, which is representative of zahav. By the Mishkan, however, Hashem had to, so-to-speak, contract (tzimtzum) the Shechina (Divine Presence) to dwell in it, and tzimtzum is from the aspect of gevurah, therefore zahav precedes kesef by the Mishkan. However, the zahav written there has the nekudah (vowel sound) of a פַתַּח (it has a patach instead of the usual kometz), it says זְהַב הַתְּנוּפָה (Shemos 38,24), and that is the nekuda of chesed –the nekuda of chochma. And פתח (the vowel) also means opening like פתח ושער- from there comes all the kindness. Putting it all together, this that we say in Shir Hashirim תּוֹרֵי זָהָב נַעֲשֶׂה לָּךְ עִם נְקֻדּוֹת הַכָּסֶף means the Mishkan was made with zahav, the aspect of tzimtzum, but with the nekuda of kesef, meaning the (word “zahav”, instead of having the usual vowel, kometz, is written with the) nekuda of patach, which is chesed. And the Shabbos after Pesach is always in the second week of sefira which is gevurah, the aspect of zahav, except that it is menukad with kesef, nekudas patach. Through this we say that we will open up all the gates of blessing and since every gate has a מפתח (key) we make the image of a key on the challah.

5) The previous four reasons are all brought by the Ohev Yisroel in Shabbos Acher Pesach and Likutim Parshas Shmini. There is a fifth reason brought by the Ohev Yisroel, also based on the posuk תּוֹרֵי זָהָב נַעֲשֶׂה לָּךְ עִם נְקֻדּוֹת הַכָּסֶף, connecting the written and oral Torah to challah. (See Ohev Yisroel, Shabbos Acher Pesach)

6) The matza we ate on Pesach is supposed to instill in us Yiras Hashem. And Yirah is compared to a key as we see from the following Gemara in Mesechta Shabbos 31a-b: “Rabbah bar Rav Huna said: Any person that has Torah but doesn’t have Yiras Shomayim is comparable to a treasurer who has the keys to the inner parts (of the treasure house) but the keys to the outer area was not handed to him. How can he get to the inner parts (if he can’t first get into the outer parts)?” Therefore we put a key in the challah the Shabbos after Pesach to show we want the Yirah obtained from the matzos to stay with us, because if one has Yirah then the Torah will stay attached to him. (Yismach Yisroel)

7) The Rambam lists out at the beginning of Hilchos Chometz U’Matza that there are 8 mitzvos (3 positive & 5 negative) involved there. The key we put in the challah alludes to this Rambam: the letters of מפתח (key) spell פ״ת ח׳ מ׳צות. (פ״ת is bread, representing the “chometz” and מ׳ is for matza- these allude to Hilchos Chometz U’Matza, and theח׳ is the 8 mitzvos involved) (Tzvi LaTzadik)

8) The Shabbos after Pesach we make challos that look like matzos, as an allusion to the matzos that were eaten on Pesach Sheini. And we put a key in it to allude to the “gates” being open untill Pesach Sheini. (Imrei Pinchos)

9) The minhag is to put keys in the challah and make them in the form of matzos. The reason is that in these seven weeks of sefira we are supposed to work on our Avodas Hashem until we reach the the level of the first night of Pesach. The way to do this is to put the “left into the right”, meaning mix the trait of ahava (right side) with yirah (left side). In this second week of sefira we have these two traits in our hands, since the first week of sefira is chesed- ahava, and the second week is gevura - yirah. That is why we make the challah look like matza. Matza is representative of the yetzer tov, the right, and chometz is representative of the yetzer horah, the left. Now, we have challos which are true chometz, in the form of matza; “the left is in the right”, chometz in matza. (Shearis L’Pinchos)

10) There are many reasons given for the shlissel challah, and I say that the shlisel challos are the keys to parnasa. (Segulas HaBeShT V’Talmidov quoting Nachlas Yaakov)

burn baby burn

there's no denying Kim Kardashian is one hot babe (I know all you frum boys, and maybe some of you girls, secretly dream about her at night), but it's nice to know she's just like the rest of us - she gets burned too!

Here's a pic Kim posted on Twitter today:

a capella

I've never owned a Sefira CD in my entire 20-something years of life. I didn't even know what Sefira music was until Seminary when girls would play Lev Tahor and Six13 (what's with jewish boy bands and these brilliant names) endlessly in our dorms. I actually didn't mind being in Sefira then - it got some annoying girls to shut up and stop singing - Yes, I told them I was that frum.

The only a capella I knew back then was the Boyz II Men version of One Sweet Day (fyi - available on my playlist at right).

Could Jewish bochurs actually sound good without instrumental backing? And if not, could I really get away with saying that I was too frum, even for a capella, to make them stop the noise?

I was at Eichlers the other day, the perfect place to keep myself busy in the music section while I waited for a friend. I started debating (I try and have conversations with myself as often as possible) whether to get frum and buy a Sefira CD.

I have Jewish music in my car, if only because I can't remember the last time that I, or that anyone I know, purchased a non-Jewish CD or even walked into a Tower Records (those don't exist anymore, do they), and because I haven't downloaded music since LimeWire crashed my old laptop (zichrono livracha) two years ago (hence the aforementioned playlist).

I also sometimes like to get my frum on, and turn up Shweky while I drive my yeshivish nephews around Boro Park (my youngest nephew asked if I could turn the music waay up and all the windows down - just like 'goyim' - his exact words). Sometimes I'll put on a Sephardi dance CD while I do the shopping on Friday - to get in the mood for Shabbos, and just to get people wondering what a white girl is doing listening to that stuff. (I used to have gangsta rap in my car, so this is a major improvement. I guess I just like something I can actually shake my booty to - do not attempt while driving).

Ok - back to Sefira Music. I never actually did buy any CD's that day. I figured that if I was going to listen to music, it definitely wouldn't be something I paid $15.99 for and which was only really good for less than 49 days a years. And plus - aren't you allowed to listen to regular, instrumental, music (also known where I come from as FM and XM radio) during Sefira, if it's for your own listening pleasure in the privacy of your own motor vehicle? Do the rules change if you have a friend or three in the car?

I hate having shaayla's like this. If only I hadn't slept through/skipped all those limudei Kodesh classes in high school and sem...

Honorable Mention

Over at the Jewish Forward's Bintel Blog, Debra Nussbaum Cohen wrote a very nice write-up about MM! Click here to read!

passover pounds

I've been pretty good in the month or so leading up to this holiday. Working out a couple of times a week, eating healthy, fighting the urge to dine on Subsational every day.

But then comes Pesach. The ultimate food Chag. Because for 8 days, there really isn't much else to do besides nash. And boy is there food to nash on.

My non-Jewish friends think I must be starving without any chametz options. My less frum friends think I'm surviving on fruit and veggies because of my family's non-Gebrochtz status.

And yet, somehow, maybe it's part of the Pesach miracle, maybe to teach us how they managed to survive on mann all those years in the desert, somehow I've quite possibly gained a pound or two or a hundred in.... how many days of chag has it been?

According to the great wikipedia, "Matza contains approximately 111 calories per 1-ounce/28g serving" - considering that I calculate distance in hours and that skipping science class in high school was one of my greatest achievements (one of, not 'the' greatest achievement'), I have NO CLUE what that means in real pieces of Matza - but I'm sure it means I've been consuming A LOT of calories.

And then there's all that other food that my bubby and mommy make. Maybe it's because she went through the holocaust, but having tons of food in the house is like priority #1 for my grandmother. She doesn't eat it of course. That's where I come in apparently. In bubby's world, the biggest insult is a plate that still has food on it when you're done.

So eat I must.

Bircas HaChamah

Here are some interesting facts about Bircas Hachama (brought to you by Kehillaton):

Once every 28 years, the Sun returns to the position it occupied when it was created at the beginning of the fourth day of creation.

The night before the event, it is customary make an announcement in the synagogue about the Blessing that will take place the next morning. This is to encourage more people to attend.

If clouds threaten to obscure the Sun, then the Blessing should be said straight away, even if it is said before morning prayers, and even if it means saying the Blessing without a minyan. Some authorities permit the saying of Birkat Hachama even if the sky is overcast. One should simply look at the place where the Sun would appear and say the Blessing, since one is saying the Blessing at the time of the event, and not necessarily upon seeing the actual event.
If reciting the Blessing when the Sun is partially, or completely obscured, then only the Blessing (and not the accompanying prayers) should be recited.

Is there anything special about this date, 14 Nissan 5769?
There might be: the Kadosh Elyon (the 'Ostrovster Admor') wrote that there are only 3 times in 6,000 years of Jewish history when Birkat Hachama falls on 14 Nissan. [4] These are: Prior to being redeemed from Egypt; Prior to the miracle of Purim; and In the year 5769.

Since the first 2 occurrences preceded miracles and redemption, the Admor wrote that in the year 5769 the same will occur: This will be last time ever and shortly afterwards, the redemption must come, b'h.

Note: The Ostrovster Admor wrote that Birkat Hachama falls on 14 Nissan only 3 times in
history, when, in fact, the year 5769 will be the 11th time that this occurs! (The last time was on 8 April 1925). Perhaps he was referring only to those times when Birkat Hachama precedes a major redemption. Certainly 5769 will be the last time when this can happen.

Another interesting aspect of this date is that the Moshiach ben David will arrive at the end of a 7-year cycle. [5] The year 5768 is a shmitta (sabattical) year, and is followed by 5769, the year in which we recite Birkat Hachama.

Happy Pesach!

Have a Chag Kasher V'Sameach!

& don't forget Bircas HaChamah!

the shadchan from H-E-double hockey sticks

The other night, my friend Liat gets a call from this random woman who says she's a Shadchan. Apparently the Shadchan got Liat's info from some mothers' shidduch group (what can I say - her mom is Jewish). And she has the perfect boy for Liat.

Except...he's not so perfect. He's been recycled. Turns out he's been passed around almost everyone on her facebook friends list.

Now, if you read this article, you know that I do believe in helping the environment. I don't really think there's anything wrong with dating someone your friend has already gone out with (at least provided that they didn't get too serious - if their pic together is still up on OnlySimchas, then you probably shouldn't go there). If the girl or guy is just someone your friend went on a first date with, then Eco-Friendly Dating is the way to go.

But in Liat's case, the guy being recycled is just a little on the nebby side. Ok - he's a total weirdo. And Liat is a cool, cute girl. (and Boys - still single!)

So naturally, when the Shadchan called that night offering this AMAZING boy to my beautiful friend, Liat turned her down flat.

At first, the Shadchan seemed all nice and sweet, making it sound like helping poor singles was her mitzvah mission of the moment. But then once Liat said NO (and when pressed, said that she'd heard that he was a little 'awkward'), Mrs. Nice&Sweet became Mrs. H-E-Double Hockey Sticks.

'You're making a big mistake', 'This boy is a prize', 'You're passing over your beshert', 'You'll never get married now'.

Makes you wonder if this 'Shadchan' was really his mom....

f-ing hilarious

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we want Moshiach.... now?

This post is dedicated to all my lubie besties out there who think I might be one too...

I was having lunch with some friends and somehow we started talking about Moshiach (maybe it was the real closet lubie at the table). My friends and I were all kind of relieved to know that we shared similar thoughts about the subject.

We all want Moshiach to come. But do we really feel ready for it? Shouldn't we all strive to become super-Jews before that time comes? You know... like to make sure we're on the good side? (team Moshiach! rather than on that other team that's supposed to get punished or whatever - which is pretty much one of the reasons I'm kind of scared for that next era - or maybe I just learned about it wrong)

It's not that I don't think I'm 'good'. I think I'm ok. But I know I could be more good. And I know when I'm being 'bad'. I think we all know when we're being 'bad' or not so good. And while that's happening, we just ignore that little voice that sounds like Jiminy cricket. We blame it on our yetzer harah. But let's face it - we're the ones that make the little choices in life that add up to the big picture.