i need music

Anyone know of a good place to get music - FREE???

I tried out BearShare and IMesh (which are pretty much the same thing) and most of the stuff on there is protected - which means I can't get it on to my pink nano unless I dish out some cash. And I really don't want to spend any more money towards my subway trip (they've just hiked up the fares - I gotta stop spending!).

being FRUM

A cute little thing I heard said by a friend:

Being FRUM means....

That U are FRUM

That U are in the 'middle' of the road aka 'normal'

That everyone to the 'right' of U is an FR - Fanatic Retard

& That everyone to the 'left' of U is M - too Modern

worth a watch - Spread

today's wtf moment

I was sitting on the train on my way home from work today (yup! actually got a seat!), just minding my own beeswax (or pretending to - come on, as though you don't also stare at your fellow MTA users). I noticed these two cute guys talking, both dressed rather smartly in suits, both sans skullcaps.

Ok, so definitely not Potentials, but who doesn't like some sweet eye candy when you're seated next to a sweaty homeless dude. So I couldn't help but listen to their convo, and when I heard the word 'Rebbe' drop, my Jewish ears just naturally perked up.

Turned out that Guy A was actually a yid. He was telling Guy B tales from his yeshiva days, when his Rebbes would smack him around, and in his words, subject him to both physical and emotional abuse. They would tell him how he would never amount to anything. They would tie him up like a dog. They would slap his hands with rulers. And this guy looked to be about my age - so we're not talking 1932 here - that's if this actually did happen. (is it still Lashon Harah if I make that disclaimer?)

Guy A also talked about about how a number of his friends went OTD (if you don't know what that means, we can't be friends. Or just click here). How their Rebbes caused them to have such horrible opinions about frumkeit. How it's such a miracle that one of his friends, who particularly suffered in school, is still religious.

I kind of felt bad for this kid. I still kinda do.

Eventually, Guy B (the non-Yid) got off the train. Then we got closer to Flatbush. That's when Guy A pulls out his black velvet yarmulke.

WTF.

worth a watch - that famous L'Cha Video

This one is really just for old times' sake.
Doesn't watching this make you feel like you're back in yeshiva?
Enjoy!

crazy shadchan questions - the outrage edition

I have a feeling this next sentence is gonna sound like the beginning of a Yenta's tale.

I started thinking after I read a post written by Ezzie over at SerandEz where he wrote about a comment he saw written by N on a post written by Bad for Shidduchim.

It always surprises me to hear those crazy questions asked by today's yentas (aka Shadchans). Personally, the craziest question I ever got was whether I wore pantyhose or not (ok, crazy where I'm coming from). But still, all those stories I hear from my friends have me wondering what some people are smoking today.

First - because those questions are mamush crazy. ( I know, I wrote 'mamush'. But I live in Brooklyn - I guess the peer pressure has finally gotten to me. But don't worry. I haven't started wearing headbands on the back of my head with a major poof in front. And Grey's Anatomy is on summer hiatus, so I stopped using 'seriously'... well not seriously, but kinda)

Ok back to crazy. (I can't say 'retarded' because apparently that's not a nice word anymore. Although maybe in this case, I don't have to be so nice). So crazy. The questions are simply nuts. What normal (non-retarded) person would ask such a question?

Second - because aren't these people supposed to be 'frum' (whatever that means). Shadchans pretend that they ask these questions because they 'need to know' how 'frum' a single is. And yet, rather ironically, the questions posed are so incredibly UN-frum, UN-tznius, horribly indecent, morally-debasing and degrading. I would even add 'dehumanizing' to my list of complaints. That's right. Treating men and women as though they are pieces of meat, up for inspection to be sold at market is dehumanizing.

What does this demonstrate of the values and morals of today's society? How does this reflect on the ideals of the so-called 'frum' community?

Concerns about someone's lineage, wealth, appearance, job - aren't those extremely gashmius, un-holy, un-frum concerns?

25 most eligible MO bachelors

Confessions of a Shidduch Dater but together this list of 25 Most Eligible Modern Orthodox Bachelors.

It's part hysterical, part seriously creepy.

Happy Stalking!

crazy shadchan questions - part 2

It was almost exactly one year ago that I posted some ridiculous questions asked by shadchans.

Today at a family BBQ, my single cousins shared some more treasures that they've recently heard:

- A question actually asked to a female reference: Does he wear boxers or briefs? (first of all, if she knew the answer, I'd be a little creeped out. And II, why don't they just outright ask for a sperm count? or maybe I speak too soon - that may actually one day be a real q)

- Does she sleep in a nightgown or pj pants? (personally, I could never understand how a long t-shirt that rides up while you're sleeping could possibly be tznius, never mind more tznius than pants)

- What kind of bed do the parents sleep on? Is it one big bed? (oy vey) Is it two separate beds? Are they pushed together? (oy vey)

Soon to come: Sexual positions preferred by parents.

learning about people who are different

I asked my Flatbush friend if she wanted to go to the Ohel.
She had no clue what the Ohel was.
I told her it's where the Lubavitcher Rebbe is buried.
She was like "Oh, is it like a big thing to go there? Do people do that?".
I'm no Lubie. But I know where 770 is.
I'm not a Chasid. But I've met a couple of Rebbes and Rebbetzins over the years.
And I've done the Kevarim tour in Israel at least three times.
My Flatbush friend didn't even know what Amuka was. (considering that she's a frum single girl, it's pretty suprising)
Maybe it's because my father is part-Chassidish (internally that is, although he has always claimed that his grandfather was Viznitz). Maybe that's why I've grown up respecting Rebbes and Rabbeim. I love a good Bracha.
Is it weird that I know a little bit about other 'cultures'? Or is it weirder that my Flatbush friend doesn't?

my momma always taught me to leave the house neat
cuz you never know who you'll meet
when you're walking down the street.

i'm scared of lesbians

Ok. Maybe not scared.

Actually, scratch that. I'm majorly frightened.

Lesbians are like girls who can beat you up.

I'm totally generalizing here. For every Rosie O'Donnell there is a Portia de Rossi.

But the Rosies are the ones you can spot from a subway car away.

And just the other day I was on a subway with four Rosie-types. Girls with short male haircuts, blue polo shirts, baggy jeans and flat chests. Flat because they probably bandage their goods down to look like the opposite sex (I'm not discriminating against my biologically A-cup sistahs)

Why do they try so hard to look like something they're not?

Ok - you can probably ask that same question of pageant girls or New Jersey housewives who go under the knife. But at least those women are actually trying to make themselves MORE attractive - not LESS! Do lesbians actually get turned on by the 'boy' thing? Why don't they just date the real thing?

My gay guy friends have told me that the whole 'biatchy gay diva' thing is really an act. So in turn, isn't the whole 'butch' thing fake too?

I'll prob get a lot of hate mail for this post. But maybe I'm just saying what you've already thunk.

do jews do it bigger?

I remember when one of my non-Jewish friends got engaged. She was so excited when she came to school the following Monday, all ready to tell her engagement story over and over, anxious to go dress shopping after class and really excited to show off her bling!

I looked down at her ring that she was so happy about.

I think there was a diamond.

It was that small.

But she was so happy!

That story wouldn't have worked with a Jewish maidel.

should I go to the Holy Land this summer?

worth a watch - Eretz Nehedert

Israeli satire about the messages and style of Israelis trying to justify Israeli policy to people living abroad.

Best Tuna Beigel?

In honor of Tuna Beigels everywhere, Kosher Cuisine is holding a contest for the BEST Tuna Beigel recipe!

Submit your recipes to materialmaidel@gmail.com !

to dye for

A very aidel friend of mine went for a job interview at a very yeshivish school. The principal gave her an employee handbook to read before they met.

"Did you see the part about our dress code", the principal asked.

"Yes, of course. I read through the entire booklet", Sarala said.

"Will there be any problems with that?", asked the principal.

"Of course not, I always dress tzniusly", said Sarala.

"Well, let me be honest with you. Your hair stands out."

"What's wrong with my hair??"

"It's dyed".

Ok - now some background - Sarala does dye her hair. She gets really natural highlights put in by an amazing colorist every 3 months. I had no idea she did anything until she told me this story. It's that natural. (and I'd like to think that after years of playing 'Guess the sheitel', I know hair)

But apparently, this principal knows hair better than I do. Maybe highlights stand out more in a sea of bais yacov mousy brown.

Is there anything wrong with coloring your hair? Is there anything not tznius about it (provided the color isn't pink)?

I remember learning some gemara that said that men can't dye their hair - because it's considered something that women do - proof that women dyed their hair back in the days of Rabbi Akiva. So it must have been ok back then right? So why isn't it now?

future m-in-law, part 2

My fave comment on that last post was made by Been There - "Run away. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Flee."

That's exactly what I did.

Some of you may not agree with that decision.

You may think it's not fair to the guy. That he may in fact be the man of my dreams. And that I'm letting this minor detail get in the way of the big picture.

Except I am thinking about the big picture.

I know that no matter what anyone says - you don't just marry a person - you marry their baggage too.

And a mother that wants to meet every girl her son dates - before he dates them - is quite a heavy load of luggage, in my humble opinion.

(as if the fact that she would be a Jewish M-in-law wasn't enough. There's a reason that most Jewish jokes are about this lovely character, donchathink?)

future mother-in-law from ...

A good friend of the family let me know that this guy is interested. He's a more 'modern' guy (whatever that means) from a more 'heimish' family (again, a totally subjective term). From what I was told, he sounds like a pretty good guy, definitely someone I'd give a chance to.

Except...

His mother wants to meet me first.

What's that about?