happy shopping day!

hope you had a nice thanksgiving too!

does your mother have your bridal trousseau?

My good friend and fellow blogette, SOS over at Surfin' the Shidduch Scene, has this great new post about Jewish mothers who plan ahead - years ahead sometimes - for when their daughters will be married.

It seems whenever I go through my mother's china cabinet I make a new discovery of some still-wrapped, still-unused item from Bed Bath & Beyond or Williams-Sonoma that my mother informs me is something she'll give me when I get married. I can't remember the last time my bubbie opened her china cabinet - it's filled with antiques she brought over from Europe that she's let me know is destined for my future household ever since I was old enough to understand bubbie-english.

I'll have to tell my friends not to chip in for a KitchenAid when I have my bridal shower one day (iyh) - mom's got that covered already.

what's the best way to break up?

One of my besties, Leah, recently went out with this guy who she is def not interested in. Some people call that a favor to the 'matchmaker' (clearly she hasn't been doing her job that well). Some people call that a pity date. Some people call that a free coffee on a night when there's nothing good on TV. I pass no judgment. We've all been there.

But what happens when the night is over? How do you break the news to your date that there will be no second chance? Without feeling guilty for breaking his heart? (you know his heart's involved when he's called you at least three times since)

When you're met through a Shadchan, the process is a tad more simple. Unless of course she's set you up with someone she's related to (in which case, you shouldn't have agreed to it in the first place - it's almost as bad as an office romance).

But if the person who set up you up isn't exactly on 'Shadchan madreiga' (ie, it's some random who knows you both), then the ball is in your court to put the game to an end.

So how do you do it? Do you say it in person at the end of the first date? Wait for Date #2? Do you have to call someone to break up with them? Or can you just send them an e-mail/bbm/text message? Or is break-up by text message today's version of Carrie's cold-hearted post-it? (SATC fans, you know what I'm talking about)

Leah called me for advice, but unfortunately I've never been great at break-ups. I've never actually been broken up with (I know, so hard to believe). And I'm prob THE worst person to give advice on this - I usually just tell guys I've either met someone else or that it's really bad timing because I'm going to Israel the next week. Seriously, I've used that.

worth a watch - pole dancer ruins wedding

some people just shouldn't leave the house...

can you stand the heat?

Can you handle the kitchen?

Join the Kosher Cuisine dream team - just e-mail materialmaidel@gmail.com.

Click here to read about my latest milkshake mishap.

are shadchans emasculating?

A very good friend of mine just told me about a recent convo with a guy friend of hers. He said that he felt 'emasculated' by the shadchan system. He said that it takes away from the 'chase', from the 'adrenaline rush' that men get when they get up the nerve to ask a girl for her number. Going through a shadchan takes a guy out of the 'driver's seat' - and in turn, he ends up taking the process less seriously.

Guys - want to comment?

looking for a secretary in Israel?

Are you looking for a virtual executive assistant? Have you been unable to find one in the US who charges rates you can afford?

Good news! You can now work with an Ivy League-educated, former Fortune-500 employee who will work with you on a part-time basis (as few as 5 hours/week!).

Secretary in Israel has a team of American college-graduates who all work as your marketing and administrative assistant. You can read the bios of each of their American virtual executive assistants and find one who is a fit for you.

what's your hashkafah?

I HATE that question.

But when you're on the 'shidduch' scene, it's a question you get asked a lot if you didn't go to a BY high school or the kind of seminary that type-casts. But that's what this question does - it tries to fit you into a little box so a nice old lady can match you up with someone else whose own little box sits on the same shelf. I guess it makes her job a little easier.

But what if I'm not sure which box I fit into? What if I don't fit into any box?

I'm never really sure how to answer... if I say MO, will she think that I want to make aliyah, or that I'm a UWS-er, or that I know the words to that Bnai Akiva song? If I say that I'm 'Modern Yeshivish', does that mean I'll have to start covering up a little more for my dates?

If I tell her that I'm somewhere 'in-between', will she think I'm a girl without a sense of direction? SOS

worth a watch - Dear John

because who doesn't want to see Channing Tatum in uniform? and without his shirt :)

are these people jewish?

I wish I was better at Photoshop. Maybe you've never seen these people? Have you never watched TLC?

Like a lot of people, my mother is addicted to The Learning Channel. When A Baby Story is on, she says "see what I went through for you". When Say Yes To The Dress is on, she says "when will I finally get to take you to Kleinfelds?". When Jon and Kate Plus 8 is on, she says to my dad "aren't you lucky I don't yell like she does?".

Recently we were watching an episode of 18 and Counting, when she says "don't those girls look like they're Lubavitch?". Gotta admit, with their long hair and long jean skirts, they do kinda look like Chabad girls, circa 1993.

There are other similarities between the Duggar clan and your average frum family:

• They rarely watch TV, use the internet or listen to the radio.
• Modesty is a very important trait - knees and collarbones are always covered. Girls wear dresses or skirts.
• No swearing or profanity.
• Lots of Bible-time.
• Grace before meals.
• Tons of kids.

worth a watch - NCSY Supermarket Takeover

the official shidduch resume

So I was trying to help my friend Shaindy out with her shidduch resume when we decided to see whether Google had any good templates for us to use.

We found this on Hashkafah.com. Feel free to print this out next time a Shadchan calls.

The Offical Shidduch Resume

(FOR GIRLS)
Name:_______________ Nick name:________________
Age:________________ Screen name:________________
DOB:_______________ Sign:__________________
Place of Birth:
City:________________ State:______________ Country:__________
Hospital:_______________ Doctor:_______________ Midwife:_______________
Height:
With heels on:_______________
Without heels on:________________
Weight:
Before sister's wedding:______________
After sister's sheva brachos:_______________
Color Eyes:
With contact lenses:____________ Without contact lenses:_________
Religious Affiliation:
A. Jewish:
( ) FFB (Frum From Birth)
( ) BT
( ) OT
( ) Out of towner
( ) Regular orthodox
( ) Modern orthodox
B. Education: Please star * anything that was co-ed
a) Playgroup:_____________
B) Preschool:_____________
c) Elementary School:______________
d) High School:_____________
e) If you did not attend a Bais Ya'akov High School, please write a 500 word essay why. (You may attach additional paper to the back of this
resume).
f) Day Camp:_____________
g) Sleep-away Camp:_______________
h) Seminary:_______________
*Why davka this one__________________________________________________.
*Was this your first choice? Were you rejected from any seminaries and if yes, please
specify:_____________________________________________________________.
GETTING PERSONAL:
1) So, who really is the prettiest girl in Bais Ya'akov Monsey?_________________.
2) Are you really a hocker??
Check if you have any of these:
___ # of cellphone(s)
___ # beeper(s)
___ # of blowdrier(s)
___ Type of car(s)
___ VCR/DVD
___ TV
___ computer with email
___ computer with internet
___ computer with Koshernet
3) Did you ever have a crush on a boy in Miami Boy's Choir?
No____ Yes_____ (If yes, please specify # and which ones) ____________________________________
THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS MAY SEEM A BIT UNUSUAL, HOWEVER, PROFESSIONAL SHADCHANIM KNOW WHAT REALLY DETERMINES A GIRL'S CHARACTER.
4) What midda really defines your character? _____________________.
5) What do you do to relax?
A. Eat
B. Get you nails/hair done
C. Go shopping
D. Talk on the phone
E. Say Tehillim
F. Design your wedding gown
6) How much food do you need to be satisfied?
A. One slice of pizza, french fries or onion rings and a diet coke
B. Half a burger or hotdog
C. Salad, salad, and more salad
D. 3 Chalav Yisrael Hershey Kisses
E. Satisified? Never, I'm on a diet!
7) What are your eyebrows like?
A. I wax once a month
B. So thick I have to tweeze every-other night
C. Very sparse, I need to color them in
D. Non-existent is in, didn't you see the latest cover of Seventeen?
8) During the Oscar's, you are:
A. Doing chesed to counter-act the tumah
B. Watching for tips
C. Watching ER
D. The Oscar's, what's that?
9) Are your suits:
A. Long jacket, long skirt
B. Long jacket, short skirt
C. Short jacket, long skirt
D. Short jacket, short skirt (and how short?)
E. Suits, me? I go casual; denim skirt, Gap sweatshirt
10) How often do you buy a new Shabbos robe?
A. Once a year
B. Every time I see one I like
C. Whenever they go on sale
D. Twice in a life time (Bas-Mitzva and wedding IY"H)
11) How many outfits do you go through on Shabbos?
A. 1-3
B. 3-5
C. I don't get dressed
12) How much time do you spend doing your hair before a date?
A. I don't, a ponytail is good enough for me
B. 10 minutes
C. 20-40 minutes
D. 60+ minutes
13) What do you use to do your hair?
A. Brush only
B. Blowdrier
C. Straightner/Curler
D. Gel/Mouse
E. All of the above
14) What brand of make-up do you use?
A. My mother doesn't let me wear make-up
B. Whatever is on sale at Target
C. Mary Kay
D. Clinique/Lancome/Estee Lauder/MAC
15) What would you buy with a $100 gift certificate to Macy's?
A. New make-up
B. Third pair of Shabbos shoes
C. Lingerie
D. Macy's chas veshalom! I only shop at Brenda's!
E. The skirt I saw Miriam wear last week
FAMILY MATTERS:
16) What kind of table cloth does you family use?
A. Disposable
B. Pink with lace
C. Classic white
17) What does your family serve for Oneg Shabbos?
A. What Oneg Shabbos? We're all on diets!
B. Only Pashkes and Liebers
C. For those over 16- diet coke, 15 and under- fruit punch
D. Dried fruit
E. Nosh is only for those who clear the table
18) What's your retail value on the market? $$$__________
19) What time do you daven Shacharis Sunday morning?
A. Neitz, I'm usually up anyways
B. I set my alarm for an hour before zman kriyas shema
C. My mother wakes me 5 minutes before chatzot
D. Shacharis Sunday morning?!
20) What is your monthly phone bill usually like? ______________
21) What's your favorite page in a yearbook?
A. Baby pictures, they're just sooo cute!
B. Divrei Torah
C. Class pictures
D. Jokes and memories
E. Family pictures of girls with older brothers
22) When you see those chocolates on the coffee table, do you:
A. Begin drooling, but remember your bathing suit is only a size 4
B. Count calories
C. If it’s PMS time, I'll grab the whole box
D. I will not succumb to this great taiva
23) What do you do if your date opens the car door for you?
A. Look down, I'm makpid on shmiras einayim (no eye contact)
B. Run back into my house and call the shadchan
C. I say thank you, and get in
D. Blush and get in silently
24) What's your favorite dating spot?
A. Lounge
B. Lounge
C. Lounge
D. Other??? Couldn't come up with any!
25) If your older brother has a friend over for lunch, you:
A. Look down the whole meal
B. Blush when he asks you to pass the cholent
C. Talk about politics
D. Have an animated conversation until your father asks you to clear the table
E. Eat at your friend's
26) What's the most embarrassing thing that happened to you on a date?
A. My mascara shmeared
B. My hair frizzed in the rain
C. He forgot my name
D. Too many quiet moments
E. When I sat down, my skirt went above my knees
F. Met too many of our ex-dates in the lounge
27) Why do you feel you are ready for marriage?
A. My parents are forcing me
B. I want a baby
C. I just came back from sem, a true kalah maidel
D. I can whip up a whole Shabbos in 3 hours
E. All my friends are
28) What does it take for a boy to get on your list:
A. One phone call, I'm 20, an alta kakah
B. 4 phone calls from prominent rabbanim
C. Money makes things move pretty quickly
D. He has to be my mother's cousin's sister's mother-in-law's best friend's son
E. If he attends the Mir
F. A blue eyed stud who knows how to dress
29) What do you feel is your supreme sacrifice for Torah?
A. Living on a kollel salary
B. Letting your husband learn half a day
C. Eating out only once a week
D. Driving a Camry (not a Mercedes or Rolls)
E. Doing my nails myself
30) Why do you think you should be chosen above everyone else?
A. I throw really cool parties
B. I wear a size 4
C. I have great yichus
D. I can talk on the phone while mopping the floor and holding the screaming baby
E. I have a great personality, real modest
F. My grandparents left me a huge trust fund
31) What kind of engagement ring are you looking for:
A. A plain band
B. A nice 1 carat diamond
C. A big diamond surrounded by emeralds
D. I'll take what I can get
E. Anything from Tiffany's or Cartier
I, _____________________ promise that everything I have answered above is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Please help me Hashem.
SIGNATURE: ____________________

betty draper syndrome

You've got to watch Mad Men to get what I'm about to write.

Don't worry, the show is pretty clean. Well, in comparison to anything on HBO anyway. If you don't have cable here's a brief synopsis of one of the show's most interesting characters.

Betty Draper is the model-turned-suburban homemaker, wife to Don Draper, the 1960's creative director at a NY advertising agency. He cheats, she knows; she cheats, he doesn't. They endure a brief separation but eventually get back together when she discovers she's pregnant with their third child. She sulks, she smokes (even while pregnant), she yells at her kids, she complains to her shrink (who then reports to her husband). She recently told her shrink that her mother "wanted me to be beautiful so I could find a man. There’s nothing wrong with that. But then what? Just sit and smoke and let it go ‘til you’re in a box?". It's like Valley of the Dolls only she hasn't yet discovered those little blue pills.

I was having sushi with some friends the other night when I met a group of my parents' acquaintances. The wives are classic Betty Drapers. They're not young anymore, but they're still trying hard to look it (I've actually seen some of them out wearing their bandages). They don't have jobs (which is fine by me, my mother shops for a living too and honestly, I wouldn't mind doing the same), but they don't really do much of anything else either. They all have gorgeous husbands (it's true, men do get better with age) with great salaries, but who spend more time eying their teenage babysitters than honoring their wedding vows. Maybe that's why their wives need to spend so much of their own time getting those brow wrinkles filled in with Restalyne.

the mm workout mix

Here's a new playlist I'm working on that's just for working out. The first 25 songs are ones that I've added - the rest is up to YOU! Add your fave songs that I can really run to. Something with a great beat - nothing slow!

Listen here.

the truth about kosher blowjobs

WARNING - this post may contain information that is not suitable for children, babysitters or BY teachers.

Thanks to Nameless Faceless for inspiring this one... her post made me realize that I've got to work on my gag reflex.


They used to say that Jewish girls don't give blowjobs.

Guess Monica Lewinsky changed that up. Or maybe she just 'blew' our cover - maybe we just wanted to keep our guys thinking that a BJ from a Jewish girl was a very rare and special gift, necessitating a very rare and special gift in return, preferably diamonds.

I think I was in middle school when the whole Bill Clinton scandal erupted. I didn't know what the big deal was - surely a cheating President was nothing new...(we'd all heard about JFK + Marilyn Monroe... and side note - don't I kinda look like her? Marilyn, not Monica)

I remember Barbara Walters asking Monica whether oral sex was considered sex. I was shocked by this question. Didn't Barbara know the difference? (I was actually also kind of surprised that someone over the age of 16 knew what oral sex was....I kinda thought our generation had invented it.)

At my co-ed MO day school, probably starting in middle school, bj's were something that happened. We all knew which girls were doing it, which boys they were doing it with, and we loved talking about them - and it. When you're at that age when you're learning about how your own body works, learning about how the opposite sex's body works feels like getting in on the hugest secret ever. And girls love sharing secrets. Some girls kept lists of their conquests (thank you feminism) and showed their lists to their 'best and closest friends' who in turn told everyone else. Sure those girls were labeled sluts, and sure we sang 'Hi Ho, Hi Ho' as they walked the halls, but maybe the rest of us were just a little jealous that these girls got to know and see what 'it' was all about.

Maybe it was because of the Bill-Monica situation, or maybe because word had finally reached adult ears of the 'infamy' of our school's girls... that the administration decided to take action. They hired one of the rabbi's wives to give us what was essentially a one-time sex-ed course, obviously not labelled as such. We basically spent two hours making her explain why bj's aren't kosher -  she blushed the entire time and said it was 'yucky' and that she couldn't imagine doing that with her husband. I think we were more than happy to hear that last part. I don't think anything else she said was all that effective.

So are bj's kosher? Well - does it really matter? Even if it isn't, will it stop anyone?