Top 60 Jewish Ghetto Names

YU & The Gay Debate

There's been a lot of online coverage about the whole Gay Panel Discussion that was recently held at Yeshiva University.

While I wasn't one of the 800 people that attended, I did read a transcript of the event, written by Chana over at The Curious Jew. From what I understand, the event was put together by the YU Tolerance Club which aims to combat homophobia on the YU campus. The event featured several panelists who shared their personal stories about coming out and being gay in the frum world.

And now there's a little bit of backlash. Apparently there are frum people out there who are upset with YU for providing a forum for this and for whatever other reason. You can listen to an audio lecture by Rav Mayer Twersky here.

I've written about gay people in the past. Back in November 2008, I wrote a post entitled Is it ok to like the Gays? and another entitled Is my gaydar off?. And then in June 2009 I wrote my controversial post, I'm scared of lesbians. Feel free to delve into my past with those. (I can't wait for more hate mail)

I think the fact that these are topics that I've brought up, and that YU has now brought up, shows how far the gay community has come in coming out (I'll leave you to decide whether that's a good thing or not). It has taken the taboo out of the closet and into the open, and has provided new fodder for the media and the general public to talk about. For a long time it seemed that the 'gay issue' did not exist in the frum world. And then movies and books like Trembling Before G-d came out and suddenly frum people realized that not only did it exist, but that it existed within our own ranks. And yet still there was no discussion.

Part of me thinks it's about time that SOMEONE's brought it up. I actually think the YU Panel took on a most 'vanilla' approach with the subject - obviously, as human beings, we all believe, or should believe, in tolerance. I think it would have been a lot more interesting if YU had actually presented a halachic debate on the topic, or had actually presented its views on issues such as gay marriage.

Another part of me wonders if perhaps it was wrong to bring up an issue that really doesn't need more of a spotlight. There is so little left in our society that is still considered private. Isn't it our role as Jews to bring 'light' to the world? Do we do our job when we bring up topics that would have been considered quite innapropriate for most of the past 5,770 years?

Or maybe we really are entering a new age...

is it wrong to celebrate new years?

Why am I getting all Yeshivish all of a sudden? I was writing a friend of mine an email and was about to end it with a 'Happy New Year' when it occured to me that this friend would most definitely not be celebrating the start of 2010. And of course, that got me thinking...

Is it wrong to celebrate this non-Jewish day? And by celebrate, I mean go to a party, drink like it's 2009, and use the aformentioned salutation when it is most definitely not Rosh Hashanah. Am I actively committing a sin by participating in a day that was originally established to celebrate the birth of christianity? Or am I just acting plain goyish by partying? (i think it's debatable whether that's such a bad thing)

Or has the gregorian calendar lost all religious significance in our secular society? Is new years just another national (well, multi-national) holiday, like Thanksgiving or Independance Day? And isn't the Jewish calendar based on the ancient Persian?

being material & dating beneath my income bracket

Am I a golddigger?
I started wondering about that after someone brought up the whole Tiger Woods scandal at the Shabbos table last week. I made the argument that his wife knew what she was in for. Her story is reminiscent of a Jackie Collins novel: European blond aspiring-model moves to Hollywood, lands nanny position for famous tennis pro, marries even more famous tennis pro. She was looking for money & fame, and she got it.
Interestingly enough, my dad came to her defense - what's wrong with a woman wanting to marry well? Aren't I hoping for the same?
Well no dad, I'm not hoping to marry some kajillionaire who is definitely likely to cheat on me. But I'll admit that financial security is near the top of my checklist in my search for 'the One'.
I recently went on a date with a guy who was very sweet, very nice, a lot of fun to be around. But I just couldn't get over the fact that if things went well, that I would make more money than him. I was actually more relaxed than usual on that date because even before we met I went into it thinking I couldn't possibly get serious with someone who did THAT for a living. I'd tell you what 'that' was, but then you'd really think I was a snob.
I told my friend this and she said I was nuts. But I like the idea of a man being the main breadwinner - it makes a man seem more manly. I like to think I'm actual being post-feminist about this. I chose to go to school, to get a great education, to seek out a real profession (ie I didn't do the typical Brooklyn girl thing which is to go into special ed or one of those 'therapies' - today's version of the 'secretary or teacher' option of the pre-feminist 1950s, in my humble opinion). But I'd also like to choose to stay home when I have kids (IYH, of course) and not have to worry about extending mat leave after just 3 months like so many women I know.

Am I asking for too much?

I look Like That Guy (music video only) - Ariel Heller and Hal Fickett

Alyssa Milano's Jersey Dove Campaign

just a thought....

just realized the irony of having written my last post right next to the guido video.

girls are prettier than boys

I get this email from some new blogger saying he just mentioned me in his second post (wow, maybe I was his inspiration). He then says that it's "not in a positive way".

Sh$t - I thought I'd find some serious mm-bashing over at his site (btw dude, if you're looking to get traffic, maybe this isn't the best way to get another writer to help you out). The post wasn't as horrendous as I thought - it was actually more about how Shadchans and girls are decieving in the adjectives they choose to describe potentials (as in, saying a girl is a model when she's really a plain jane).

I hate when guys ask if the girl I'm setting them up with is pretty - it's so subjective. If you hate someone, they'll always be ugly to you. And girls and guys often have different views about what is attractive. I can't count the number of times a guy friend would point out a 'hot' chick who I thought was a serious 'not'.  

That blogger mentioned me because apparently I describe all my friends as gorgeous. Which is true. I do think all my friends are beautiful.

I was at a friend's houseparty recently and one of my besties, (the gorgeous) Shulamis, commented that the girls there were way better looking than the guys. (lol, can you imagine if a guy said this about people of his own gender?) I think this is true in general. Maybe human female DNA is set up that way - kind of like a reverse male peacock thing. Maybe it's because girls typically spend more time on personal appearance. Maybe it's because we have more beauty tools at our disposal than men do. A girl can put on a little mascara, some blush and gloss and she looks amazing. Guys can.... shave?

'Jersey Shore' hair 101

top 10 things you'll find at a NY jew party

In no particular order, here they are: (and yes, these are generalizations)

1. Semi-dark room - dim enough to make you think the guy introducing himself is actually Potential; not dark enough to hide his really awkward dance moves.
2. Empty Dance floor - NY Jews just don't like to dance in front of other NY Jews. Except of course, for the aforementioned non-Potential, and that one couple making babies in full view (they're either Israeli, or she's fulfilling his shiksa fantasy).
3. Over-priced tickets - because everything else about being Jewish costs more, so of course they can charge Jews $50 to come to an otherwise free public space. And don't forget to bring your wallet - drinks are definitely not covered. 
4. Really Bad Music - this could explain #2. But there really is no explanation for a DJ who switches to trance when everyone's happily singing along to Black Eyed Peas.
5. VIP sections without any actual VIPs - just another ploy to get Jews to shell out more dough. Some party planners think this a good way to weed out the weirdos.... but whoever decided that weirdos don't have cash obviously forgot that Pauly Shore was once a celebrity.
6. Hot bartender - why is the hottest guy in the room also the most gentile?
7. Starers, as in people who STARE - not as bad as Brooklyn starers, if only because mouths are kept closed. But this seems to be the activity of choice at NY Jew parties. Also could explain #2. Why dance when you can watch? Sounds hot, but is pretty creepy when you're on the receiving end. 
8. Jews - well, duh. But there are also the token non-Js, such as #6, as well as the bouncer, the coat check people, and friends of Jews (in which case, they're probably immersed in Jew culture because all their friends are Jewish - or, they're acting as wing-men it for their unaffiliated Jew friend whose mother will kill him if he doesn't find a wife at this party).
9. Same faces - the kinds you are trying to avoid. But they show up, no matter what party you go to. Maybe filing a restraining order isn't such a bad idea after all.
10. Frum jews trying to pass off as normal. Sorry buddy, just because you're not wearing your yarmulka tonight doesn't mean I don't recognize you as my Boro Park cousin's chavrusa.

Happy Chanukah!

So I completely forgot to wish y'all a Happy & Healthy (well, maybe not healthy, but let's say 'trans-fat free') Chanukah!

Here's hoping that the rest of your holiday & year are as sweet as sufganiot, as warm as latkes and as fun as dreidels!

And speaking of non-healthy.... be sure to check out my recipe for Beaver Tails at Kosher Cuisine!

my convo with a 42 year old

Him: Wow, so like you're young enough to be my daughter.
MM: Ya, especially considering you're practically my mother's age.
Him: Oh - is she cute?
MM: Yes. But she's married - to my father.

my convo with a macy's employee

(after a particularly long day of shopping with my bestie, Leah, in the coat department, I decided to ask a cute Macy's employee for some help)
MM: Excuse me, do you have any personal shoppers here?
Employee: A personal shopper?? What's a personal shopper?
MM: You know - someone who'll look for clothes that I want and then bring them to me while I sit here.
E: giiiiirl- omg! You MUST be from the Upper East Side! What do you think this is? Bloomingdales?
MM: Well, it isn't Target.
E: Ya, I guess. Well I never heard of no personal shopper before. Let me ask my manager.
E: (to the manager) Yo, miss manager, boss-lady - we got any personal shoppers here??
Boss-Lady: Um, no, sorry, but he can help you shop if you want.
E: Alright girls, it's just you and me. Can I just ask you a personal question?
MM: I guess....
E: What's your nationality?
MM: Haha, what? Guess!
E: Greek?
MM: No.
E: Italian?
MM: No.
E: Turkish?
MM: No.
E: Irish?
MM: No.
E: Yugoslavian?
MM: No. Guess my friend's nationality and I'll tell you mine.
E (to Leah, who looks nothing like me): Greek?
L: No.
E: Italian?
L: No.
E: Turkish?
L: No.
E: Yugoslavian?
MM: Are these the only ones you know?
E: Well, kinda... I didn't say Indian.
MM: Ok - let me guess YOUR nationality. Greek?
E: Haha - no.
MM: Italian?
E: Noo.
MM: Turkish? Yugoslavian?
E: Noo miss! I'm African American!

getting old - er

So one of my very dear friends, Zahara, just celebrated her big 3-0. (happpy birthday girl!)

The nice thing about having friends who are older than you, is that you get to stay young-er longer. The nice thing about having an 'older' friend like Zahara is that you realize that 30 isn't as scary as you once thunk. Thirty does not equal wrinkles or gray hair or the end of youth. Zahara is one of the most energetic, fun-loving, gorgeous, hysterical people I know (and did I mention, single? altho... I have a feeling this won't be for too long). If her turning 30 gives me a teeny glimpse into my own not-so-distant future (because let's face it - time flies when you're out of high school), then I'm not worried.


I don't think there is anything more sad or more pathetic than someone who is in their 30s, 40, whatever (well, maybe someone who is in their 20s) and seems to walk around with a 'still single & desperate' sign across their forehead. It's actually one of my pet peeves about living in NYC -EVERYONE is on the meet market and everyone is obsessed with finding their 'perfect' match - and it's all everyone seems to talk about. I've met so many girls in NYC (come to think of it, most my age) whose favorite topics of convo are dating, sheitels and wedding halls (maybe they all need to get their own blogs to get it all out). And the absolute worst thing that could happen to one of these girls is to end up 30 and (G-d forbid) single. Which could explain why girls who are 30+single in the city seem to have such hateful looks on their faces...

Right now, 30+single isn't something I'm planning on, and I'll admit, it does sound a little frightening. But then, so does 30+broke or 30+jobless.

Thank G-d for friends like Z!

sipping tea in a non-kosher resto

So a good friend of mine invited me to his birthday event that is going to be held this week at a cute Moroccan eatery - one problem: this place may have a hechsher, but it isn't kosher.

He's a great guy and I'd love to be there to help mark his quarter-century b-day, but I just don't know how comfortable I'd feel sipping mint tea while everyone else around me digs in to shawarma and lamb kebabs. And then there's that whole 'Maras Ayin' thing...

I've been in that situation before - where my yetzer harah (a.k.a. hunger) got the better of me and I'd succumb to my stomach and order the most veggie thing on the menu. But then one day I found a piece of bacon (not a bit, but a chunk) in my green tossed salad and that was the end of living life on the kosher edge.

Nowadays, almost all of my closest friends keep kosher and eating out is never a problem (thank Hashem for good friends - and espesh good kosher friends). It's nice to have friends who love your fave sushi shop as much as you do, and who don't balk at the prices on the menu, or say that kosher wine/food is lousy. (or ask if the crab is real) And it's def nice to not have to explain the whole kosher thing each and every time you go out to lunch.

So back to my dilemma - do I go and have my tea? Or do I stand my kosher ground?


UPDATE - Venue was changed to accomodate the kosher! (great time had by all :) )