have you listened to the mm playlist lately?

there have been a ton of new songs added ~

just pop out the player (on your right) and listen!

when friends become mommies....

Time seriously flies.

I recently bumped into a married friend who I haven't seen in a long while.

As in last time I saw her she had just given birth to her first.

Now she's just given birth to her second!

Her firstborn isn't even a baby anymore - it's a real, talking, walking person.

It's kinda scary to think that friends my age are now mommies to people!

I still remember freaking out when some of my friends started getting husbands!

worth a watch - efrat gosh (אה אה אה - אפרת גוש)

Born in Herzilyah, Efrat is Israel's answer to the whole Amy Winehouse/Adele/Duffy music genre.

kissing & not telling

I'll admit that I can be pretty superstitious ...but I was raised with a red string around my wrist.

I believe in ayin harah and jinxing and being careful about what I say (even though I do occasionally suffer from foot-in-mouth syndrome). Maybe it sounds stupid and irrational, but I know there are some things that even the most logical person cannot explain.

That's why I don't like to talk about upcoming or recent dates - with anyone.

My friends know this - and probably hate this - about me.

Because sometimes it means they get more info from reading MM than they do from asking me in 'real life'.

But I hate 'talking' - all it ever does is complicate stuff. And from past experience, 'talking' can sometimes ruin a good thing.

I don't even like hearing anything - if my friend is dating is someone, I'd rather only find out when it's actually serious. Otherwise - what's the point? I get hopeful, and when it doesn't work out between the two of them, I get heartbroken and end up feeling like a child of a breakup (and no, my parents are not divorced). 

Maybe I'm just being crazy - but aren't we all entitled to a little mishigas?

picking the perfect purim party

Is it just me or are there more parties to choose from this year than normal?

I have at least 15 facebook invites to which I haven't yet responded.

Do I want to go to a party where I have to pay cover? Is a $50 party guaranteed to be more fun than one that's free? And most importantly - are drinks on the house?

Sometimes I check the guest-lists to see who replied. Are there too many little kids going? Too many older weirdos?

I'm not a professional party-girl, but Purim is one of my fave holidays -what material maidel doesn't love a chance to put together an awesome makeup/costume look - in public!



Now I just have to figure out what to wear this year..... any ideas?

I'm thinking Lady Gaga or Barbie....

baby daddy in the club

I was at a party last week celebrating V-day (ok, not so Jewish, but almost everyone there was).
It was the kind of scene where everyone is checking everyone else out, looking for the perfect person - to go home with that night.

Not exactly my type of situation, but I knew a lot of people and I had a good time nonetheless (thanks to my chicas).
I spotted this guy I know. Kind of surprised to see him there. On V-day.
Especially because his wife is 8 months pregnant. And wasnt with him.
Where your babby daddy at?

LASHON HARAH UPDATE:
Baby daddy was also seen rolling some illegal substances while at said party..... his kid's gonna have some role model....

the death penalty still exists??

You probably heard about Martin Grossman.
If you haven't, google him, read a newspaper, check CNN.
He was executed today (Tuesday) by lethal injection in Florida after being convicted of first degree murder.

I'm not going to comment on that specific case. I don't know enough about it to say whether or not Martin Grossman deserved his punishment. The fact that he was Jewish makes me sad, but I don't think it should have any effect on anyone's opinion. I will say Baruch Da'ayan Ha'Emet.

I will say that I think it's insane that a country as 'modern' and 'advanced' as the United States of America still uses the death penalty in some states.
I know some states are still stuck in a time-warp of bad cowboy movies and tacky beauty pageants, but shouldn't the educated part of this country have a little more say on something as big as killing people?

The Torah talks about punishment by stoning and such, but I'm separating religion and state here. In a secular society (where there is no divine truth, and thus no way of knowing whether someone is 100% guilty), ending someone's life over a crime that he may have committed is a corruption of basic human natural law. How can a society that condemns murder exact the same punishment on its citizens?

Capital punishment has already been abolished in most 'western' countries, including all members of the European Union, Canada, Australia, Israel and even Venezuela.

Are we no better than Iran? The fact that we use lethal injection instead of death by stoning does not make us more humane. Would the Nazis be considered humane for their use of Zyklon B? Interestingly, some states actually allow electrocution, hanging, the firing squad - and gas chambers (thank you Wikipedia).

Does capital punishment actually work? Most studies show that it doesn't. (feel free to do the research - there's a lot out there)

I hate to get all Michael Moore-esque, but why the ___ does the death penalty still exist???

dating older men

No, I'm not talking about seniors in their 60s.
You may think I'm a golddigger (from this post), but I do have some standards.

Ok, truth is - if someone pulled out the Anna Nicole card and asked you if you'd marry a 90 year-old on his death bed in return for a few million bucks - would you say no?
But since that opportunity hasn't been presented (yet), for the sake of this post, 'old' means over 30.
I know, I'm being ageist.
And I do realize that every year I stay single, I get closer to being 'old' - but ain't no way I'm letting that happen.

A lot of shadchans ask me what my 'age limit' is.

It used to be the '80s rule' - the guy needed to have been born in the same decade as me.
I would get freaked out when I heard that someone was born in the 1970s. (more so it was the thought that someone was already rocking bellbottoms while my parents were still in high school)

Then I moved on to the '10 year rule' - 10 year age difference max.
But after turning 23, I realized that 33 is really just way too mature for me.  (mature is a much better word than old)
I don't know if I can deal with gray hairs and receding hairlines and wondering wtf the guy is doing still single. (this is horrible to think out loud, but sometimes I can't help but wonder what's wrong with the dude)

worth a watch - JEWSEY SHORE

you'll probably only appreciate this if you've seen MTV's version...

happy v-day?

so I know that we're technically not supposed to celebrate....

but wasn't today a great excuse for eating chinese?

:)
(happy lunar year to my asian friends!)


about Valentine's....
if your significant other doesn't do anything nice for you today,
is he really holy
or just a cheap shmuck?

i hope he doesn't read this...

This guy in shul told me I looked like a doll.
I hope he hasn't seen my mm profile pic....

real housewives of flatbush - coming soon!

I wish.... I would totally watch! Would you?

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, there's a BravoTV series that follows the lives of several housewives (they sometimes do have jobs), often be-wigged, often heavily botoxed, almost always 'nouveau riche' (having class does not get you on this show) who live extremely superficial lives inside a strange little world of breast implants, orange tans and cat-fights. The show is a trainwreck you can't help but get addicted to.

Can't be too hard to find five Flatbush women who fit the bill....

For more info, click here.

Should we be settling for Mr./Miss Good Enough ?

Time Magazine recently featured an interview with journalist Lori Gottlieb who has a new book entitled Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. (buy it here on Amazon for only $15.17).

While I haven't read the book, the title is seemingly conclusive enough that I don't have to spend money I could otherwise squander on tomorrow's sushi lunch.

I read a little bit about the author - apparently she's (still) single in her 40s, decided to have a child on her own rather than wait (forever) for Mr. Right, and wrote this book as a warning to all young women that Prince Charming is just a Disney fiction (what a novel idea) and that some of those 'toads' we so easily throw back into the pond are actually our best bet at achieving our Happily Ever After's.

The author uses her life as an example of what not to do. She claims that women have a tendency to find flaws with every potential date, and that we should not let this get in the way of finding happiness. (lest we end up lonely and bitter like her) She claims that settling is in fact the answer (perhaps to the shidduch crisis).


I hate the term 'settling'. It's pretty demeaning to all parties involved I think (the person who has settled, and the person who is being settled for). However, according to a recent episode of How I Met Your Mother (I think I'm the only female watching), in every couple there's a 'reacher' and a 'settler' - one person who marries 'up' (I think that could apply physically, intellectually or financially) and another who 'settles' on someone a 'step down'. I don't know how true that is - some spouses are equally ugly.

Mechitzahs & Talleisim - an MO love story

One of the best reasons to go to an MO shul is for the view. You just don't get the same buzz going to a tiny shtiebel where the women's section is somewhere behind floor-to-ceiling bookcases, a concrete wall or thick curtains that never move.
I've been to a few shtiebels where the women sit upstairs in a converted two-family house with only a small hole in the floor and if you strain your ears enough you can almost make out every third word of Kriyas HaTorah. The truth is, you often do get your best davening done in those shtiebelach (unless some nosy shadchan decides to sit next to you and takes the opportunity to try to find out what your father does for a living).
But there are times when you feel like getting all dolled up for shul, and an audience of middle-aged yentas just isn't doing it for you.
When you know you're looking your best, it's way more fun to go an MO shul with a Soloveichik-style mechitzah - it's like the kosher version of a nightclub - you get to see and be seen.
You know what I'm talking about - the number one reason people go to shul is for social reasons (I will admit that might hold more true for women, as we don't have the same obligation to daven with a minyan - so maybe it's number two for men... why else would kiddush clubs exist?).
Sometimes I do get tired of the show - I've actually written about that before. (surely you've read every post I've ever written? All 500-and-counting, right? If not, here it is.) So I don't let myself indulge too often - but when I do, I try to make it worthwhile.
Great views are not only exclusive to MO shuls. One of the best seats a girl will ever get is at the Karliner Shul in Meah Shearim (who woulda thunk!). There the women sit upstairs behind a one-way mirror so that they can watch the men scream out the Shema (they literally yell at the top of their lungs) without risk of being seen. (although, that view is more amusing than gratifying)

The most gratifying Shabboses happen when there's a new cute non-tallis-wearing Potential in town. I really feel for my Sephardi and Yekki friends with this one. Catching the eye of a hot guy only to discover he's only in shul for his daughter's baby naming can be quite a letdown. Why else was the tallis mandated by G-d if not to shield vulnerable young women from similar awkward situations?
Unfortunately nothing can prepare a girl who's still waiting for her beshert for the heartbreak that happens when she makes eye-contact with a total Potential (as she designs her wedding dress in her head during Shacharis) only to discover that - SHOCKER - it's his Aufruf.
Where is this post going? (Sometimes I forget because on here I tend to I write the way I think - which is one huge rambling mess.)
So ya - anyhow - my point is that sometimes a low mechitzah in an MO shul can be the answer to a single girl's prayers (maybe she remembered to say Shir HaShirim for 40 days straight).

parshas yitro

Don't forget to go to shul people! This Shabbos we're reading the 10 Commandments - so make sure you wake up in time to hear them!

A very nice Dvar Torah I heard from a very nice Rebbetzin today:

Last week's Parsha began with the words " וַיְהִי בְּשַׁלַּח פַּרְעֹה"  - and Pharoah let Bnai Yisrael go.
This week's Parsha begins with "וַיִּשְׁמַע יִתְרוֹ" - and Yitro heard.
It's interesting that the two Parshas that ultimately culminate in Bnai Yisroel receiving the Torah start with people who are not part of our nation. Two people who couldn't be more different in their approaches to 'yiddishkeit'. And the way that each Parsha begins reflects their approaches.  
Hearing is a way in which you take something that is exterior to you, and you then internalize and process and understand it. It is the opposite of letting something go - where you take something that you once internalized and discard it.
Hearing is also a spiritual sense. According to the Lubavitcher Rebbe, the only way that a person can internalize Hashem and spirituality is by 'hearing' - you cannot see Hashem or spirituality firsthand - but you can talk about it and discuss it, listen to shiurs about it, and by doing so, understand it. The only time that we experienced Hashem by 'seeing' is at Har Sinai where it says "וְכָל הָעָם רֹאִים אֶת הַקּוֹלֹת"  - and Bnai Yisrael saw the Voices.

looking for your bashert?

The adorable Yoni Shenkman is organizing a new shidduch group, in his words, "to set up fellow yidin who have yet (to) locate their bashert." So far, he claims he's made one match - and wants to help you help him make some more. (he's a little concerned about getting into heaven)

To get on his list of 'highly eligible singles'- email Yoni at yonishenkman@gmail.com.

worth a watch - black hebrews make music

I was sitting on the bus on the way to Eilat one summer making conversation with this guy in front of me. Turned out he was a Black Hebrew who lived In Dimona. It was probably one of the most interesting conversations of my life - I had never heard of the group before. And then I came across this video on YouTube. Enjoy.

MO dating: a sociological study

This article basically sums it all up.

(Thank you to Ezzie for posting it)

could new british law create gay orthodox rabbis?

I rarely write about current events - not because I'm not informed, but rather because the last thing this world needs is yet another outlet for depressing news stories. But then this morning I came across this article on the CNN website that I thought was MM-worthy, if only because it brought up a point that could possibly be pertinent to the 'frum community'.

So to sum up the article - basically, there's this Equality Bill that is pending in British Parliament which would effectively end discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation (as well as gender and race, etc). The catholic pope got upset because this would mean that the church could be prosecuted for turning down gay priesthood candidates. British government then countered by amending the legislation to give certain allowances when it comes to priests and ministers - but not other staff members. Feel free to read the bill yourself, if you're legal-minded.

Anyhow - whether or not this bill becomes law, with whatever amendments made to it - an interesting issue has been brought up that no doubt we will probably come across sometime soon on this side of the Atlantic. What happens then?

worth a watch - MJ comes back to the Philippines

To celebrate the DVD release of the late Michael Jackson documentary This Is It, Jackson's choreographer Travis Payne and dancers Daniel Celebre and Dres Reid went to the Cebu Provincial Dentention and Rehabilitation Center and staged this FANTASTIC dance tribute to the pop star with 1500 inmates to "They Don't Really Care About Us."

when being from out-of-town is great

I recently was set up with a guy who lives halfway across the country from me. I spoke to him on the phone and knew at once that he wasn't my type. I know, I know, I really should give a guy a chance. But sometimes it does pay to follow your gut  - and when something about a guy's voice gives you the creeps, there's a good chance that seeing his face might too.

Apparently the Shadchan told him that I was still living in my hometown. Which isn't exactly driveable in one date night from where this guy lives. Truth is, he often flies into the city where I am now. But I didn't exactly tell him that. I let him think that I was still back home, and probably not visiting NY anytime soon, and said something like 'oh, well, guess this won't work out' when we spoke last. 

Is that b%tchy of me? Or is geography a great reason to break it off?

keeping your woman satisfied

WARNING - this post is for mature readers only. If you're gonna be immature, at least giggle as you read - no hate mail please.

Here's the answer to something I bet all of you boys were wondering about.
Yes, frum girls talk about s$x.

For most frum single girls, the discussions usually involve a lot of speculation mixed in with obgyn horror stories. If a frum single girl's lucky, she gets a little more info from a less frum friend (and maybe even gets to live vicariously through her).

If she's really lucky, she's got a friend who's already crossed over to the married side who's willing to TALK.
Not all married friends are happy to dish about their s$x lives. Some married friends become too private to even ask you for a pad when they need one. Other married friends are willing to give you the scoop about only one little event- the wedding night (usually another horror story).

I happened to have get into a convo with a married friend who didn't mind talking, but her approach was more 'Little Midrash Says' than 'Sex and the City'. I don't think any of us minded - we were more surprised that she was willing to talk about it at all.

Anyhow - somehow it came out that her kallah teacher told her that it wasn't tznius for a woman to initiate - and that a woman cannot refuse her husband. 

WTF.

Two facts that I've never heard in my entire life. Moreover, both ideas go totally against everything I've ever learned about Judaism and taharas hamishpacha. Isn't there some kind of clause in the Ketuba that says that it's a husband's obligation to please his wife (and no similar obligation for the woman)?

Maybe I should've posted on CalmKallahs.....